If you haven't already.
I have done it many times, specially when reading for others face-to-face. I blame it on my anxiety and lack of self-confidence, but I can't deny that every time this happens I trust my cartomantic skills a bit less. And the worst is that I don't even read for strangers yet - I only read for family and friends!
Not very promising for a wannabe card reader. After all, if you have blank spots and a coronary thrombosis when reading face-to-face, you will not have enough concentration to even try to give a good reading. You won't be grounded. And most importantly: you won't trust the message.
Despite my occasional failure at reading for others, I have a deep belief that the cards I get in a reading are the perfect cards for that moment. I almost never draw clarification cards or re-do the reading, unless I realises that the reading I am doing is not about the sitter, but about me. This has happened to me as well, and for me it's a sign that I am not grounded and detached enough from the situation. "It's not about me", I have to tell myself. "It's about the sitter. It's her reading, not mine".
I try but... sometimes I fail. Nothing comes. I look at the cards and get nothing. Not a single tiny bubble of a message floats to the surface of my suddenly still mind-ocean. I scratch my head. I analyse the elements and nothing seems relevant. I try Geomancy and find that, great, now I am more confused. My braincells start to cannibalise each other in the calmness. I smile. I try to connect the cards. I stutter. Nothing makes sense - are these really my cards!?
I give up. And apologise.
This is what happened to me last Monday, while reading for my mother. I have always found it difficult to read for her, due to my closeness to her life... I know too much, I love her too much, and this is seldom a ground stable enough to build a good reading. But she only asks for a reading once in a blue moon, she was a bit upset and I thought the cards could give her some clarity.
The subject was her current relationship with a man. She said he was acting weird, so first I did the Lost Man spread to see what influences were strong in his life at the moment. This particular spread was decent, but not very deep. It didn't disclose any unknown information, so I did the 4-card Present spread in order to analyse the state of the relationship. And here... boy... I got completely lost. Not only it had a bunch of Clubs (which always makes the message hazy), but it was Geomantically unfriendly.
I didn't get any information from these cards. Nada! It almost felt as if I had never seen them in front of me in my life. Of course, now with some distance I could attempt to interpret them... if some of you use the PCO, you can probably read this spread with more clarity than I (the picture of the spread is the one above). But that is not the point - the point is that I should have interpreted it back on Monday, looking my mother in the eye. The right moment is gone.
I gave a bad reading. So bad it was an almost non-reading. Thank goodness mum loves me with all my shortcomings... but I realise a stranger would not be happy with it. This makes the prospect of coming out of the divination closet even scarier.
But I am trying to not attach myself too much to this failure. No, this wasn't my best reading by far. There was nothing enlightening or empowering about it. Yes, it was shite. C'est la vie. Maybe I was just having a Bad Card Day.
The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman