Here I am, still at the beach. Dad, his wife, my sister and my boyfriend have left already (they had to work this week) and I am here with my stepbrother. The days are slow... it rained a lot, but today the Sun returned in its full glory. The local bookstore is having a great vacation sale, and the books are so cheap there I'll probably go back home with more books than I should!
But I didn't come here simply to spend money and get tanned. When I decided to take this time off, I had a purpose. There's a big - and difficult - decision I need to make, this I decided to get away from everything in order to see things more clearly. This decision is regarding something very personal that could change my path a lot...and it also involves my loved ones, which will be greatly influenced by what I decide. Big emotional stuff - which I have given the nickname of "Emotional Turmoil".
I do not expect my cards to make my decisions for me, but I decided to look for guidance. I have been using lately a deck called The Flower Speaks. It's a seamless mix of tarot, herbalism, flower medicine, chakras and even some astrology.
Below is my reading. I have used a spread taught in the companion book, called The Trillium Spread. I asked for guidance regarding my decision-making process.
First column - Action needing to be taken: Iris (Inspiration) and Pistil & Stamen (Creativity)
I am really impressed by how both cards in this position focus on creativity. At first, I does not seem to relate at all to my question, since my decision is not directly related to any creative work of mine. However, looking again I realised that the indecision has been keeping me from pursuing any of the creative goals I once had. They have become dreams and things I think about when riding the bus to work.
I believe both cards are telling me I need to rekindle my my own creativity. I have been letting my "decision" become the master of my life. Also, I believe this pair is pointing to some libido problems I have been experiencing, which are detrimental to me and my partner... I have been holding back my creative powers as a whole.
Second column - What you need to stop doing: Daisy (Wisdom) and Leaves (Communication)
Again, two cards that reinforce each other's message. The Daisy, in its shadow aspect, shows that I am getting too caught up analysing little details, and thus missing the whole picture of my life. The Leaves card adds to that, and suggests that I stop trying to be rational about what is, ultimately, an emotional decision. I have been weighting the pros and cons of each possibility endlessly and still haven't come to any conclusion. Perhaps I haven't been using the right tools for this particular job. The Daisy also says that in a sense I am resisting change, and I need to stop doing that... this situation cannot stay this way, it has to change and I have to accept that. Even if it means losing something... or someone.
Dandelion is a card of will, strength and flexibility; the Fruit is a card of expansion, growth and results. Together, these cards suggest that I need to let the situation come to a full circle. I will only reap what I sow - nothing more, nothing less. Also, I need to work more on my inner flexibility, so I may deal with whatever path I choose to walk without regrets and negative resistance. Analyse less, and go more with the flow.
Furthermore the Fruit card suggests a long trip, which directly is connected to one of my possibilities. Perhaps this card is telling to me keep considering this possibility, because it could represent a chance of growth for me. I have been letting fear get in the way too much.
I believe this spread is telling me to look at this turning point in the context of a whole life. Of course it is important, but life is much bigger than that. For each path there will be roses and thorns, and I need to become more flexible and less perfectionist. I need to remember my own plans and dreams, and decide based on that - which path will help me to get closer to my dreams. Which one will provide the lessons and opportunities I need. In a sense, I think both possibilities can give me that, but in different ways.
I don't think I am any closer to a final decision yet, but now I have something to think about during my walks along the shoreline...
The Flower Speaks © US Games Systems, Inc. & Marlene Rudginsky