Nemesis - A wheel that can't be controlled

Time passes and when I see, it's been almost a month since that situation that changed so much inside me. One the outside, my life is pretty much the same... same routine, same activities, same everything. I wish I could say I have become a whole new person inside and outside - I long to recreate myself - but it's proving to be a rather slow birth.

Nemesis has been appearing for me lately, in readings about different subjects. I roll my eyes and huff. I do not like this card. Perhaps because I associate it with divine punishment, and I am afraid there's still more to come - haven't I felt enough pain? But according to Barbara Moore, this Nemesis isn't all about punishment, but also about reaping what you sow, be it positive or negative.

This card warns me against wishing I could make the other feel a bit of the pain I have felt. Although the other person didn't do anything evil per se... well, they hurt me. Their choice, though rightful, hurt me, killed a bit of me, changed me against my wish. And I keep hoping that somehow they will get to taste a bit of what I have tasted, so it'll feel a little less unfair. But Nemesis shakes her head and says: "this is not necessary". She tells me that it's not in my hands to get any justice... that while another person hurt me, my own choices in the past brought me here. When I got into this, I accepted the risk of being hurt.

I am inclined to protest - so it's all my fault? But I guess it's not simply a matter of "whose fault". Life is usually not that simple, specially when it comes to emotions and relationships. I don't think I deserved to be hurt like I was... but the other person felt they deserved to find happiness, even though it included dashing my heart in the process. Who is right? Who is wrong? That is the big paradox of Nemesis... sometimes both sides are right. But they still must face the (often unexpected) consequences of their own actions.

That's what Nemesis has been trying to teach me. And I haven't been wanting to listen, because my pride begs for an amendment. Must I not only suffer, but submit? Yes. There's nothing I can do now, no revenge would change what has happened. And I would never move a finger to hurt this person, because there's still love in my bruised heart. My mind becomes an imaginary avenger in its attempt to protect me, but every cell of me knows... that given the chance... I wouldn't lift a finger.

Nemesis tells me that it's not in my hands to do anything, except to be mindful of my next steps. Where do I want to go? What kind of Marina do I want to create now? I can only help or hinder myself. As for the other... the wheel turns, in its own rhythm, and perhaps a day will come in which they'll regret their choice. Perhaps another situation will make them face a similar pain, and they'll finally understand what it feels like. 

Time passes. A side of me still longs for a small retaliation, but I try to pacify this side. Nothing can be done now... I can only wait for the wheel to spin again, and trust the Hand of Fate.

Enchanted Oracle © Llewellyn Worldwide & Jessica Galbreth