But sometimes even my Saturn-inspired self-control fails, and the centauress shows her hooves.
Ever since this happened I have noticed my boss has been treating me a bit... different. It seems I annoy and exasperate her more than usual. The fact I have been lacking concentration to do certain things (specially the tasks I dislike) does not help. Yes, I was insensitive, I feel horrible about it, but I can't take the words back.
I began to wonder whether there is something weird going on or if I am suffering from guilt-induced paranoia. So I decided to ask my Playing Card Oracles for some enlightenment My question was "how does my boss feel about me right now?".
Two things got my attention immediately in this layout. First, we have only Diamonds and Spades - Fire & Earth - which is a rather insensitive combination. And I think this is my boss' opinion about me, specially after my ugly gaffe.
The second thing is the 7♠ (Sword of Destruction) in the Foot position, also the only back card in the reading. Even though it is 'at home' in this reading, it's still not a good sight. I think this card is telling that my boss believes I am changing something here at work - perhaps in a way she disagrees with - and that it can be both good and dangerous.
Dangerous, because the 4♦ is right above it, and it's rather an unruly card. In the Heart position, it shows that my boss finds me a bit unpredictable - hence the possible danger related to the 7♠. She finds me hard to control, or thinks I cannot control myself (when it comes to my tongue it's probably true).
Tendra, the 10♦... she has been popping up in every reading recently, and I like her not. The first thing that came to my mind when I looked at her is - spoilt. Everyone here know that one of the owners of the company knows my mother... they are not best friends, but are long-time acquaintances... and that probably makes her think I am not respectful and careful enough because I am spoilt and selfish. That I take my position for granted.
But there's a good card crowning this complicated reading. The 8♦ (House of Good Fortune) shows that, in her mind, she probably thinks I am a good 'investiment' for the company. I am the only person here who works with the ebooks, which is an area that will probably grow in the future. And honestly, I am good at it.
I think emotionally right now he opinion of me is not very good. She seems to have a strong affection for other co-workers of mine, but I think that right now (due to my insensitive mistake) she's not feeling very fond of me. Rationally she knows I am not a bad person and that I contribute to the company, but right now she finds it hard to trust me completely. If I had to describe it shortly, I'd say my boss thinks I am brat.
... well, not every reading is gonna be pat on the back. The truth is that I was very insensitive and careless with my words, and I feel really awful for what I have said. So far I didn't have the right opportunity to make amends, and the fact she seems sorta displeased doesn't make me comfortable enough to get any closer and talk. So I've been trying to apologize through my diligence.
I suppose the next step is asking the cards how can I make the situation better...
Maybe you could email her and ask her if you could see her for five minutes and explain that you hadn't meant things in the way they came out or personally towards her? You could tell her that offending her has upset you. Apologies are very powerful.
ReplyDeleteThere is every chance that she has something else on her mind and it might have nothing to do with what you said. It's just 'big' on your mind, which is why you think she's hung up on it.
Hi Prince LeNormand!
DeleteYes, I have thought about doing that. But for some reason I feel like my boss is very 'closed' right now, and the way she went all quiet over what happened makes me think she doesn't want to bring it up for the time being. It wasn't a huge negative offense, I think, but it may have touched her personally and it was never my intention.
I too believe apologies are powerful and I never hesitate on saying I am sorry when I do something wrong. But I feel she's defensive and I don't know how to approach her. She already had some (unfounded) negative impression on me since I started here, and while she came to accept me, I feel that every mistake I make puts me back on ground zero. *sigh*
I'll try to keep a low profile for now and do my job with more dedication, to give her some time to open a bit. Then hopefully the right chance to make amends will come. I have a strong impression that she doesn't want to talk about it.
Sometimes it is just easier to walk in the office, say can I talk to you for a minute, and apologize. And ask if there is anything you can do for her while you are at it :)
ReplyDeleteIt isn't eating crow as we say here, but swallowing that darned foot!
I didn't see Lenormand's suggestion until the software went to Captcha words... two minds of one accord! But then I've been there done that, won't be invited to another family reunion any time soon...
Swallowing my foot, indeed. Been there so many times! It's the bad side of being spontaneous - makes you careless. We have a saying here: "I lose the friend, but never the joke". That's what happened - I was actually saying something funny, but I chose the wrong example...
DeleteI think I'll try to be direct about it, I just don't know how to approach her. "Erm, hi, sorry for implying that people of your age are old, I don't really believe in that - in fact, I happen to loooove older men. Much older men. *wink wink*".
I am not sure if that would makes thing better or much, much worse...
I have Sun in Aquarius and Sagittarius rising so have been in your situation many times. I think your instinct is correct; she most probably would not want to talk about it because it would mean an admittance that she took offence. But what I would say to you is that it is obviously her issue, nevermind what you said. As long as you do your work well and keep your relationship professional in the coming future, there is no reason this won't soon be forgotten.
ReplyDeleteYes, that is what I think. Talking about it would mean recognizing there was an offense, and I don't think she wants to do that. I am doing what you suggested... keeping a low profile and letting my work speak to me. Although making a Taurus person change their mind can be an herculean task, lol!
DeleteI feel horrible for what I said, but other people have told me that it IS her issue, that the choice to cling to it or let it go as a silly blunder is hers, not mine. I can only be more careful with my tongue from now on...