Saturness

After the sledgehammer

2012-02-07T17:54:00.003-02:00

Beware when you use the sledgehammer.

I should have warned you of that in the last post. But I didn't know for sure what comes after destruction. Now I do. Lessons are daggers - sudden and implacable.

Beware, because other people also have their own sledgehammers... and they may be getting ready to deliver a horrible blow. Not because they are evil, nor because they want you to be miserable. But because they have their own Towers to bring down.

That's what happened to me. I tentatively knocked one brick out of place and all came crumbling down right on my head. The other side had used their own sledgehammer, quite unexpectedly.

We don't build our Towers alone, so I suppose we don't get to destroy them alone either. If we are not the force hitting the bricks, we are the secret acid corroding the structural steel frame.

I have spent the last three days in utter despair, crying all the time, barely eating, looking around me and wondering if I'll ever feel like myself again. Today I could cry no more. No tears would fall, no sob would rise to my throat. My words sound calm because my mind and body are exhausted from the chaos... in my core, I am still an open wound.

But I am not ready to leave the wreckage yet. I have things to find here - pieces of me. If I go now, if I deny this, all my suffering will have been in vain. Marina is still missing amongst the debris, and I must find what is left of her. What is true.

Keep this in mind when you decide to use that sledgehammer: there's a huge pain that follows the blow. A lot of negative thoughts and self-blame, in a torrent of lost dreams. A lot debris. So think carefully.

That said, remember: we can all survive this. We will lay down and cry for three days straight, but on the fourth day we will get up again and walk. Even if it's painful. Even if it's meaningless. We will walk. And we will heal.

And someday the greenery will cover the collapse zone once more.

Doll in the debris photo © APF/getty image.

Boy, fetch me a sledgehammer...

2012-02-03T16:50:00.002-02:00

Like many people living in a rather Hanged Man moment...a moment in which nothing seems to happens and yet, inside you, you cannot find peace... I have been longing for a Tower. For a lightening, for a storm, for a sign that the world is moving.

I have always thought that the Tower was something that happens to the person. It falls on our heads, out of the blue, and before we can make sense of what is going on, we see the bricks and the fire all around us. And then we realize something has gone wrong.

Something has gone terribly wrong.

Thus, even if we had it coming, the Tower is still unexpected. It is something that hits us, that throws us to the ground, something we have no control over, whatsoever. With the Tower we are always the victim of something bigger than us - even if our own choices lead to such catastrophe.

But... all the books that describe the Tower just as that... I am sorry, but these books are lying by omission. Because this Tower... it's kind of easy even when it's hard. It leaves us no choice, it's a bomb dropped on our heads, and we have no other option but to accept it and pick up the pieces of what we used to be.

How about the Tower that we have to trigger?

Nobody talks about that one. Nobody wants to think that they may have to be the perpetrator of destruction. Because it involves making a choice. Because many times it involves being hated and misunderstood for this choice. Because it involves committing ourselves to a dreadful task.

I know everyone likes to claim that they always prefer to have a choice no matter what... so do I... but after a long time in battle, when we are drained and tired of having to choose, and no option is better than the other (each will bring its pains and its rewards)... we wish the choice could be taken from our hands.

But it won't be. There's no Eye of God, no holy lightening to punish us. All comes from within. We slowly realize that we must grab that heavy sledgehammer and knock the bricks out, one by one. There's no God, there's no destiny, there's only us and this painful and exhaustive work of destroying something we built, something we hoped that would last forever. Something we put part of our souls into.

Even if we know it's for the best. Even if we are sure there's no other way. Even if it was an elephant in the living room of our souls - we will remember it. And we will feel that pang of guilt when we recall whose was the hand that brought it all down.

But if it must happen... fetch me a sledgehammer, and I shall bring about that Tower.

Aquarian Tarot © US Games Systems, Inc.

J-J-J-Jaded.. or cyclothymic?

2012-01-26T18:36:00.001-02:00

I will not apologize.

I do not mean to disrespect any of you, my friends. But I won't apologize because there's no point. I apologize and disappear. Apologize and disappear. There's something wrong about this cycle, don't you think?

Although I am faithfully working with my Grail Tarot - I enjoy very much reading about it and handling the cards - I confess my cartomancy levels of activity have dropped close to zero. Dying man's ECG. I don't know what is happening... yes, I could pinpoint to specific factors in my life that could be obstacles to my connection to the Higher Oracles, but I don't want to. It gets boring to remind yourself how tired/overworked/underpaid/stressed/uninspired you are. And it gets even more boring for others to read about it.

I work with my Grail tarot, but in a very light manner. I look at my decks but don't really feel like using them. I try to do yoga and end up crying on the mat. I haven't touched my PCO in weeks.

Hey, did you read that? I haven't touched my Playing Card Oracles in weeks.
2012.... Apocalypse... Marina not touching her PCO... see a trend?

All joking aside, I have been trying to treat my low level of general life-energy with flower remedies and some changes in my routine. All is taking very slowly to work. I think my lack of impulse to touch my cards is part of this spiritual apathy that has taken over me. I feel like I am functioning with the automatic mode on... not something I am used to. I am a creature of fire and passion; when the fire disappears, I feel like a zombie.

I have been a zombie, and you know, zombies aren't very good at keeping blogs because they don't have brains. They just eat'em. So here's the reason behind my lack of updates... I feel a bit jaded. Perhaps my soul is telling me cards can't help me now. I have gotten all I could from them, I have asked all questions, but moving involves muscles and bones and effort, and not just meditation and analysis and advice.

I feel like an immovable object and I need an unstoppable force to move me. Only... there isn't any unstobable force outside me. The ship sways gently in the calm sea. No wind, no currents. No land either. The crew is dying hungry and thirsty under the sun and the blue skies.

Maybe the force ought to come from inside me but right now I can't muster it myself. Maybe my bitchy High School classmate was right and I am cyclothymic after all. I wish I could bring myself to care but... I can't muster the energy for that either.

At least Lady Gaga's new album is nice.
It's specially good for when all days feel like Monday mornings...

The Grail Tarot @ Giovanni Caselli & Eddison Sadd Editions

Grail Tarot says... innocence never returns.

2012-01-21T16:14:00.000-02:00

Brother of Vessels (Page of Cups)

In this card, we see a Grail Master giving the blessing to a new Brother, who about to got forth in his own Grail journey. The Brother looks up to the Master; the Master smiles, and remembers his own time as a Brother, taking his first steps into the mysteries.

I feel that I am both the Master and the Brother right now. As a Master, I have learnt a great deal about emotions over these last challenging months. As a Brother, I still have a long journey ahead of me, and need to trust my path. As John Mathews wrote "we need to accept the lot we have been given and follow the path before us without question.". (p. 155)

I like this card, although something about it (perhaps combined with my own emotional state) makes me feel slightly melancholic. The Master knows that the lost innocence never returns...

The Grail Tarot @ Giovanni Caselli & Eddison Sadd Editions

Grail Tarot says... tricky business alert!

2012-01-15T19:43:00.002-02:00

I really like when my readings are to the point. Usually this happens when I am not passionate about the subject - then I can see the cards' message very clearly. That said, I seldom read about subjects I am not passionate about... but I am trying to change this.

I pulled two cards yesterday to check the outcome of a possible internet business deal with a rather known company. I had not done anything yet, but for some reason what they offered seemed a bit too good to be true, and I wanted to be on the safe side.

I used the Grail Tarot and a 2-card spread taught in the companion book.

The first card is is the Indicator, and gives me the answer to my questions. I had to laugh when I saw the 5 of Lances (5 of Wands). This card shows a knight arriving in a palace that is actually falling apart. The problem is that he is so mesmerized by the golden table and all the delicious food that he doesn't notice the cracks in the walls... I think the answer could not be more direct. Although the company promised many advantages in their offer, something about it isn't right. They tried to make me focus on the good stuff without wondering the nasty things that could come attached to it. What they are offering is not completely secure and could fall on my head eventually.

The second card is the Qualifier, and gives me something else about the situation. My card for that position was The Grail Seeker (the Fool). The first impression that I got was that the card was telling me to keep looking for a better, more trustworthy deal. But looking at the card again, I see the Seeker standing right before an abyss - I almost fell! Whew! You have to be careful when threading on these illusionary grounds of internet business...

Thank you for the heads up, dear Grail Tarot!

The Grail Tarot @ Giovanni Caselli & Eddison Sadd Editions

A hail to the Grail!

2012-01-13T18:32:00.000-02:00

As I said in my previous post, I wish to become a bit more stable in my interests and goals. One of the ways I hope to achieve this is by choosing 2 or 3 decks to work with - and work with them exclusively for a while. My objective is not to because the absolute professionar reader using these decks, but simply to find more focus and stop jumping from one thing to another so madly. Earth is the element of limitation, but sometimes the fact we have limited possibility helps to keep us grounded in what we can do. That's what I want.

On Aeclectic Tarot there's a group of people who do an exercise called Primary Deck Reflections (PDR from now on). The general idea is that you are supposed to commit yourself to a deck for a stipulated amount of time, but it doesn't have to be 100% exclusive (one deck or death). It's a way to keep your study focused and constant, without giving up other possibilities.

I have decided to join them. Below are the rules I have made for myself... I'll try my best to follow them through. Knowing myself, I'll probably have some days of relapse, but I will not turn them into a big drama. Life happens: take a deep breath and keep going - that shall be my mantra.

So, my official rules:

1. For a start, my PDR deck will be the Grail Tarot by John Matthews & Giovanni Caselli.

2. I'll try to use the Grail Tarot almost-exclusively (read #5) for one month. If I think it is going well, I will extend the PDR time to 3 months.

3. I'll use/study/handle the deck daily. I'll also try to always carry it with me. Although I am not very good with daily readings, I'll try to pull a card daily at least as an exercise.

4. I'll will NOT read solely for myself - I'll give other people readings with the Grail Tarot too.

5. I will use two other decks along with the Grail Tarot, both oracles: The Playing Card Oracles and The Flower Speaks. The reason? The PCO is my main divination tool and cutting it from my practice will make my PDR a failure from the beginning. As for the Flower Speaks, it's a helpful healing tool for me and I'd like to keep using it.
That said, I will give the Grail Tarot preference when doing readings and meditations.

6. I'll lessen my dependence on the Grail Tarot companion book as I get to know the deck better.

7. I'll share my experiences with this deck on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum and here, on my personal blog. But I'll not force myself to write daily in either.

8. Last but not least: I will NOT go mad and try to become a PhD in everything Grail-related. I'll take it easy.

Now, you myst be asking - why the Grail Tarot for goodness' sake? Why not something classic, like the Rider Waite? Why not something deep, like the Thoth? Why not something challenging, like the Tarot de Marseille? First - because I don't feel like working with any of these, plain and simple. Second, I had a small list of decks that I wanted to study, and I put their names into a dry mug and pulled one randomly. I got the Grail Tarot.

I let the mug choose for me. I have a quite a rotten finger when it comes to picking an option, so hopefully the mug will do it better than I...

The Grail Tarot @ Giovanni Caselli & Eddison Sadd Editions

Miss Scatterbrain's resolve

2012-01-11T18:34:00.001-02:00

I think I know what is wrong with me.

So, I haven't been posting, no I haven't. I feel like I don't have anything to say, and I prefer to stay silent than to fill your eyes with nonsense, dear reader. Which I have done a few times already, specially in the past few weeks. Thank you for allowing me this indulgence.

But I think I know what is wrong with me. I have not been able to focus in any of my studies and personal goals. This reflects in my life as a whole; as Tori Amos would say, I feel like the girl who can't choose between the shower or the bath. Cartomancy-wise, it makes choosing a deck resemble Sophie's Choice, only without the traumatizing consequences.

If you can't pick a deck and focus on it for, lets say, 10 minutes, you sure as hell can't do a reading. But the readings are also a problem, because I have fallen again in the same ol' trap: reading excessively for myself (and befuddling myself in the process).

One thing is what we know - the other is what we do. They don't always match. I like reading for myself, I think it's fun (and helpful sometimes). But not in the state I am in. In the state I am in, it engenders confusion and insanity.

"I am so restless. I smoke, get up, move about. I cannot bear my own company." ~ Anaïs Nin

I make Anaïs Nin's words my own (except for the smoking part). And despite my best efforts this year to become a better human being, more evolved, more in control, kinder, calmer and wiser, I feel like I haven't improved a jot. No need to pat me on the back, thanks. It is not that I haven't learnt any lesson - I have learnt a lot this year. But I don't think I have improved much - not as I had hoped. I am certainly a good gazillion lives away from Buddhahood.

What does it have to do with my card reading? Nothing. Everything. All is part of the same cycle. I am confused. I read myself to get some clarity/insight/guidance. While I am reading, it's wonderful. Back to real life, I am lost like a blind man in a labyrinth. I feel even more confused. I read again. Reading is great. Real life is not that simple. And the cycle repeats.

Rule of thumb should be: if you are lost, don't read for yourself. Do yoga. Talk to God. Or to a shrink. Or to your mom. Use floral remedies. Garden. Watch a movie. Read a book. Not the cards. A book. Preferably one that is not about the cards.

No, I don't follow this rule. In fact, lately I have ignored it completely. But I want to change... I don't want to keep indulging in something that is detrimental to me. I don't want to stay rambling around the room unsure about which deck to pick, which book to read, which shirt to wear, which foot to put before the other. Living life nonplussed is doing me no good. I need to make some conscious effort here.

Cartomancy-wise, I am thinking about starting something a bit more focused. Lets say, chose a few decks (maybe one tarot and one or two oracles) to study and work with during a planned amount of time and forget about the others. Or perhaps use only one deck a week, as other fellow bloggers do (although I am not good with daily readings, as you all know).

Also, I'll try not to read for myself, at least not about my own pressing matters. And I'll try my best to find or create opportunities to read for other people. I have this hope that if I quit the navel-gazing a bit, my eyes will be able to see the answers I need.

Last, but not least, I plan to do some reviews. I have been lazy in this regard, and there is a pile of uncommon, underloved and underrated decks to be reviewed!

These are my initial plans. Any further developments will be shared here. First step is to pick the decks and stick to them through mental and emotional instability. Just looking at my collection makes me realize... that this is going to be a loooong and haaaard step..

We all gotta start somewhere...

Suggestions?

The Flower Speaks: Building a decision

2012-01-03T14:39:00.001-02:00

Here I am, still at the beach. Dad, his wife, my sister and my boyfriend have left already (they had to work this week) and I am here with my stepbrother. The days are slow... it rained a lot, but today the Sun returned in its full glory. The local bookstore is having a great vacation sale, and the books are so cheap there I'll probably go back home with more books than clothes, lol!

But I didn't come here simply to spend money and get tanned. When I decided to take this time off, I had a purpose. There's a big - and difficult - decision I need to make, this I decided to get away from everything in order to see things more clearly. This decision is regarding something very personal that could change my path a lot...and it also involves my loved ones, which will be greatly influenced by what I decide. Big emotional stuff - which I have given the nickname of "Emotional Turmoil".

I do not expect my cards to make my decisions for me, but I decided to look for guidance. I have been using lately a deck called The Flower Speaks. It's a seamless mix of tarot, herbalism, flower medicine, chakras and even some astrology.

Below is my reading. I have used a spread taught in the companion book, called The Trillium Spread. I asked for guidance regarding my decision-making process.

First column - Action needing to be taken: Iris (Inspiration) and Pistil & Stamen (Creativity)
I am really impressed by how both cards in this position focus on creatiivty. At first, I does not seem to relate at all to my question, since my decision is not directly related to any creative work of mine. However, looking again I realized that the indecision has been keeping me from pursuing any of the creative goals I once had. They have become dreams and things I think about when riding the bus to work.
I believe both cards are telling me I need to rekindle my my own creativity. I have been letting my "decision" become the master of my life. Also, I believe this pair is pointing to some libido problems I have been experiencing, which are detrimental to me and my partner... I have been holding back my creative powers as a whole.

Second column - What you need to stop doing: Daisy (Wisdom) and Leaves (Communication)
Again, two cards that reinforce each other's message. The Daisy, in its shadow aspect, shows that I am getting too caught up analyzing little details, and thus missing the whole picture of my life. The Leaves card adds to that, and suggests that I stop trying to be rational about what is, ultimately, an emotional decision. I have been weighting the pros and cons of each possibility endlessly and still haven't come to any conclusion. Perhaps I haven't been using the right tools for this particular job. The Daisy also says that in a sense I am resisting change, and I need to stop doing that... this situation cannot stay this way, it has to change and I have to accept that. Even if it means losing something... or someone.

Third column - What you need to continue doing: Dandelion (Will) and Fruit (Expansion)
Dandelion is a card of will, strength and flexibility; the Fruit is a card of expansion, growth and results. Together, these cards suggest that I need to let the situation come to a full circle. I will only reap what I sow - nothing more, nothing less. Also, I need to work more on my inner flexibility, so I may deal with whatever path I choose to walk without regrets and negative resistance. Analyze less, and go more with the flow.
Furthermore the Fruit card suggests a long trip, which directly is connected to one of my possibilities. Perhaps this card is telling to me keep considering this possibility, because it could represent a chance of growth for me. I have been letting fear get in the way too much.

I believe this spread is telling me to look at this turning point in the context of a whole life. Of course it is important, but life is much bigger than that. For each path there will be roses and thorns, and I need to become more flexible and less perfectionist. I need to remember my own plans and dreams, and decide based on that - which path will help me to get closer to my dreams. Which one will provide the lessons and opportunities I need. In a sense, I think both possibilities can give me that, but in different ways.

I don't think I am any closer to a final decision yet, but now I have something to think about during my walks along the shoreline...

The Flower Speaks © US Games Systems, Inc. & Marlene Rudginsky

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000-02:00

WHR: A message for the coming year

2011-12-31T13:40:00.001-02:00

Last day of 2011! Tomorrow begins the much expected - and much feared - year of 2012. Some say the world will end. Others say that we will just go through a big transformation. I honestly don't know what to believe... I think I prefer to focus on what I have the power to influence. Huge spiritual changes and massive disasters are out of my control, and focusing on them is hindering. As the Dalai Lama said: "If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can’t be solved, worrying will do no good.".

Inspired by Shaheen Miro's latest post, I have decided to do a small reading with the Wisdom of the Hidden Realms. I want to know what we need to let go of and what we need to nurture in the coming year.

First I asked "what do we need to release in 2012?". I got The Sun Dancers reversed - that means that this card is challenging us. Originally, its message is about abundance and having fun... as a challenger, it tells us to not lose ourselves in dream of what may be. We need to work on the now, live the now, for the present is the only moment in which anything can be done.

What we need to release is our constant worry about tomorrow, specially if it does not help us to work on our today. It's not that we should live each day carelessly, no. Pay your bills, save some money, work, eat well, exercise, have fun, be with the people you love -- all this is essential, for today and for tomorrow. But do not give the future more weight than it deserves. Do not base your life on prophecies. Try to make your present good, to the best of your ability.

My second question was "what do we need to nurture in 2012?" and I got The Camel Boy. Also reversed - another challenger. It seems we will be challenged in the coming year, to change our habits and vision. The Camel Boy, as a challenger, reminds us that we need to take care of our mundane lives. Society is constantly giving us a message that having a trivial life is negative, boring and a sign of lack of creativity. If you take it to an extreme, it may be so. But our mundane lives help us to keep us grounded... only with our feet firmly planted on mother earth that we can rise our hands and worship the universe.

In the coming year, we need to nurture our ability to handle our routine in a healthy manner. Remember when The Sun Dancers told us to not live only in our dreams? Here's is where this advice finds a way to express itself. Big things are accomplished through small steps. How can someone be wise and enlightened if they cannot wash their dishes and get the garbage outside? Even though society tells us these things are below us, they are not. They are our responsibility, and through this discipline we find strength and perseverance to cope with bigger challenges in life. Creativity and inspiration are important, but they are useless if you haven't learn how to put them into practice.

The Camel Boy also tells us that 2012 will be a good time for decluttering. So if you have been wanting to clean your closets, your book shelves, your home or even your thoughts, it'll be a proper time to do so.

Above all, do not let the negative prophecies and ideas plague you. Think about them, but take care of your life, the chores and the pleasures of it. I know the nitty-gritty of daily life gets boring compared to the idea of massive world transformation (be it good or bad), but even these huge events start with small things. Balance fun and work, use your present time wisely, take small steps... even if nothing big happens in 2012, your life will surely be transformed.

Wisdom of the Hidden Realms © Colette Baron-Reid & Jena DellaGrottaglia

Let the head of the dragon guide me!

2011-12-28T06:30:00.000-02:00

Today I'll go to the beach, to meet my father there. My sister, my boyfriend and I will spend the New Year with him, and I'll go driving. It'll be my first time driving on the highway and I am quite nervous.

I decided to use my Geomancia - Le Tarot De La Terre to get an advice concerning the journey today. The figure I got was Caput Draconis, the head of the dragon.

This figure is very fortunate. It's a figure of successful new beginnings. I think it's telling me that everything will go well, as long as I am open to the challenges and the lessons. Furthermore, the Head of the Dragon says that this is an amazing opportunity to learn and to grow. This experience will enrich me.

That is very optimistic! I must confess that it isn't very easy for me to accept when the cards give me a very good answer. I always think there's a catch. However, I am sure that if they can point to problems, they can also point to good outcomes.

And I hope my trip will go well, without big delays and no accidents!

Wish me luck! :-)

PCO: horoscope spread for a relationship

2011-12-27T12:09:00.002-02:00

I had a request to do a reading about a relationship that is having some problems. I was going to do it using the usual 4-card spread, but since I had time to do it (it was not face-to-face), I decided to try the Horoscope Spread again. Although big and (apparently) daunting, the truth is that this spread is very interesting.

My sitter, N., asked me about her relationship with U.

They have been together for 3 years and she feels that they are not as close as they used to be. She wonder if this is a prelude to an ending or just a temporary crisis. Should I continue to work on healing this relationship? was the question.

The first card I looked was the one in the 1st House, the 7♣ (The Sword of Enchantment). Not a bad card, it tells me that isn't completely hopeless about it... but it does give me the impression that she's waiting for a miracle. She's expecting that 'something' will appear and solve this situation for her.

We all know this usually doesn't work.

But let's see what about her partner, U. He's represented by the 7th House, and there we find the 5♥ (Fata Morgana). At first this card seemed to scream that he's hiding something, but lets not rush into conclusions. This card can represent that he believes everything is fine - which is an illusion, since N. feels that something is wrong. So this card could represent denial. Also, this card presents a restless heart... even though he behaves as if all is well, inside himself his heart may not agree with this attitude... it feels that, indeed, something isn't right about their relationship. Something is missing.

We see that the two people involved seem to be caught in their own ideas. One hopes things will solve by themselves, the other believe all is well. But the fact both are represented by odd number shows that they both feel unstable in the relationship right now.

I decided then to look at the 8th House, because it concerns sexuality. There we find the 2♠ (The Enemies). I dare to say that their sexual life hasn't been very good... they are disagreeing in this level, and worst, this disagreement is kept hidden. They are not talking about it.

The 12th House is the house of secrets, hidden influences and difficulties, and with the 2♣ it shows that they are not being very objective in handling the issue raised by the 2♠. They are behaving like friends, not lovers, not daring to close the distance and use love to heal the problem. There's no real communication between them. This is reinforced by the 11♠ in the 3rd House (house of communication) - Pampero is not really talented with words. He's more a physical action guy... N. and U. are letting their actions speak for themselves. Action is good, but sometimes careful words are important to avoid misunderstandings.

The 7♥ in the 5th House - the House of romance and fun - tells me that they have been working hard to stay together and have fun together. We cannot say they have been completely careless about each other. They try, sincerely, to make things improve, but there's the problem of the 2♠ that they are not taking care of objectively.

So... my answer to N's question would be yes. I do not think their relationship is doomed - it's facing a crisis, probably originating from some unsaid sexual issues. Their love can heal itself, as shown by the 7♥, but they must take the matter into their hands. They need to use the sword of the 7 - it's not going to work alone. No miracle will fall from the sky if they don't do their part.

I suggest that she tries to talk to him about this. Maybe he has been sensing a problem too. If they can start to communicate again, there's a huge potential for healing.

The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

Merry Saturn Christmas!

2011-12-24T20:06:00.003-02:00

Dear friends,

I am here to wish you all a Merry Christmas! I realized I have not been very present this week, and I can only blame that on the fact I was so busy I could not dedicate myself to any of my oracles. For the next two weeks I'll be on vacations from work, and have time to rectify that.

I hope that you all have a wonderful day, filled with laughter, light and the company of those who are most important to you. They are the real gifts - priceless and irreplaceable.

MERRY SATURN CHRISTMAS!

ONIM ~ 8 of Wands [Harmony]

2011-12-20T00:01:00.001-02:00

Harmony. That's is my message for this week.

Balance, Aspiration, Harmony. These are the three keywords of my ONIM readings ever since I began to use the Voyager Tarot. I feel a connection between them, as if they were telling me a story, but I haven't managed to put this connection into words yet. For now I sit, watch and try to learn.

I like this card, with it's instruments creating one thing together in the image. In reality, all these instruments create one music; every tune, consonant or dissonant, belongs into the whole.

What is the difference between Balance and Harmony? It's a bit hard to say. Balance, for me, is something more rational... is when you consciously try to avoid the extremes and walk the Middle Path. Harmony, on the other hand, is when you allow all parts - the good and the bad - to play when they are supposed to, in the measure they are needed, so together they make one music.

Harmony is about accepting the often complicated and contradictory parts of our lives and personalities. We have inside us the tools to bring these chaotic parts together and compose one beautiful song with them. We cannot be victims of our heritage or limitations. Recognizing them is fine - using them to escape life isn't. Even if our tools are humble, or our voices a bit out-of-tune... we must remember that we are not our instruments, we are the song that we play with them. We are what we create using the tools life handed us.

For me, this card also relates to something more down-to-earth... I have been thinking once more about learning an instrument, or at least learning to sing. I have always been passionate about music, however in my childhood and teenage years I never had the opportunity to learn anything related to it. I know that now it's a bit too late for me to be a professional, but if I could sing to myself, I'd be happy.

Also, the amount of instruments makes me think of a lot of tools together, making a lot of noise and generating a lot of energy. And this also relates to what I expect in the near future: next week I'll be on vacations (for 2 weeks), so this will probably be a busy and noisy time for me. It won't be simply a matter of finding Balance anymore, but a matter of trying to make things work in the most harmonic way - even if it includes some chaos.

For someone who likes to be in control like me, learning and accepting that Chaos is part of Harmony, is surely an interesting challenge.

Voyager Tarot © James Wanless

Tarot Nova says... develop your emotional intelligence.

2011-12-13T18:21:00.000-02:00

Another night, another fight.
The reason? Three women, one home.
That's just another way to say that the reason was stupid, just like 95% of the fights amongst (normal & healthy) sisters, mothers and daughters.

Despite the stupidity of the fight, and the despite the fact I knew it was all silly, yesterday I was boiling on the inside. I felt like the Krakatoa must feel right before an eruption, but thank goodness I have developed some self-control and avoided getting in direct conflict. I am a bad company when the lava is bubbling in my heart. I locked myself in my bedroom so I could huff and puff and plot revenge in private.

But no, I am not proud of it! According to my natal chart, I am a Choleric person with a dominant Mars influence (thank goodness a strong Saturn is there to keep me rational most of the time), but this is no reason to be a walking volcano.

My family was unfair to me, but I was also unfair to them to some degree. The fact they keep reinforcing how "selfish and moody and uncontrolled" I am makes me wish I could really go berserk on them and make them regret reminding me of my worst traits whenever I happen to not make them happy. But I cannot change them - I can only change myself. And my inability to cope with anger is often more damaging to me than it is to others.

Using the Annikin Divination Systems, I asked Tarot Nova how can I better manage my anger. This is my reading.

1. Your problem ~ 9 of Wands
This card shows a person using the wands to build some sort of wood fence around him. But is it a fence or a... cage? I think my problem is that I use my rage to protect myself... and up isolating myself in it. When I am angry I create an abyss between me and the others, and worst, I stay alone with my rage and let it dominate my thoughts. I have a "with me or against me" attitude.

2. The obstacle/challenge ~ 9 of Cups
This card shows a cute fountain, with water flowing from the fish's mouth. I believe this card is a challenge - a water to oppose the fire of the 9 of Wands. For me it's related to letting your emotions flow, don't get attached to them. I become too attached to my own rage when I should let go of it in a healthy way. My challenge is also to let soft words flow from my mouth even when my insides are burning, so I will not regret hurting others with my temper explosions.

3. The Advice ~ Ace of Pentacles
This card shows a hand handing out a big golden coin. A bit of Earth comes to stabilize the reading. I do not really understand the advice of this card, but I think it relates to finding stability. To better manage my anger, I'll have to develop a firmer grip on my emotions overall, not just anger. I will have to learn how to ground myself when attacked by strong emotions and impulses, in order to control them when they need to be controlled... and release them when they can be released properly.

I have been following the path of fire, but it hurts others and exhausts me (9 of Wands). So I must use a bit of water to balance the fire, and flush out the bad emotions in a healthy and thoughtful way (9 of Cups). Both of these suits show the ending of a path (due to the high number of the cards), but the Ace of Pentacles announces a new path: one that goes towards emotional intelligence.

Can I do this? I don't know... I will try to remember this reading next time the magma begins to push its way through the cracks of my heart. Because in the end, that is the source of all rage... a heart full of cracks...

Tarot Nova © Running Press Book Publishers & Julie Paschkis

ONIM ~ Four of Wands [Aspiration]

2011-12-12T12:07:00.000-02:00

I really like this card.

I like the hands shooting upwards. Makes me think of energy, impulse, strength. It's as if they were trying to channel the energy of the Sun, of the sky itself. Whether it be a gesture of protest or of celebration, it's always bold and brave.

The Four of Wands is my card for the coming week, and I like to see how it differs from last week's card. Last week I got a message of finding Balance... and in a sense, I did. I was focusing too single-mindedly on one thing, looking too much inward, to the point it was making me tired. I went back to my other interests and decided to enjoy things in a more practical way. Forget about the philosophical implication of all-that-is and just enjoy. It wasn't a really productive week, nor one filled with discoveries, but I managed to rest.

Too bad I could not eat in a balanced way! PMS made me feel as if I had a perpetual hole in my stomach and no amount of food (specially sweets) was enough to fill it. Well... nothing is perfect.

So what about the Four of Wands? This is a card of action, of active energy being used to fulfill one's ideals. I see this card as extra-energy this week to keep studying and pursuing my goals. If last week I had to find a balance between being extrovert/introvert and doing/thinking, this week I need to use the new energy and expand.

According to James Wanless, this card "represents your aspiration to fulfill your noblest ideals and highest potentials. [...] Like the hands, spire, and monument bursting out of the earth, your spirit cannot be contained. [...] You pierce through resistance with focus and will, and you burn out obstacles with the torch of illumination and purification" (p.49-50) I think that the greatest obstacle in my way is my tendency to stay still and crystallized, like Earth... I need to rediscover my inner fire, which has been rather weak recently, and burst through the egg shell. I don't think this card is telling me to ignore the more quiet and meditative side, but it's nudging me because I still haven't put the things I am learning in practice. I still haven't pierced through my own resistance.

Last week I got out of a bit of the extreme state of introversion I was living in... I began to concentrate on things outside myself a bit. This week, I need to try to take the practice to a new level, a bolder one. I can't help but think this card is also reinforce the idea that I need to find some focus, specially on my Astrology and Playing Card Oracles studies, or I will get nowhere. Like the hand that shoot upwards, I need to gather my energy and propel myself toward a definite goal.

Voyager Tarot © James Wanless

The 13 Witches Runes ~ Part II

2011-12-10T18:30:00.000-02:00

Here's the second part of the Witches Runes study. I am going to cover the next four runes: Romance, Woman, Man and Harvest.

Romance

As I mentioned briefly in the first post, the Romance rune is also a symbol of connection, just like the Rings rune. But differently from the latter, the former implies a deeper sort of connection. While in the Rings we have two (or more) people joining to reach a similar goal, here we have two people joining for reasons they can't quite explain.

Hence this rune is related to love, passion, emotional bonds, sexual chemistry and sudden attraction. Any strong bond can be symbolized by this rune, including the unconditional parental love or a very strong friendship. And it's not limited to the emotions that sparkle between individuals - the love can be also directed to an object, a subject or even a work.

It's important to not limit this rune to the emotional field. It can be quite physical, representing sexual relations, arousal and irresistible magnetism. This rune is powerful, and often gives an extra impulse to any rune that is close it. Charismatic and seductive people are represented by the Romance rune as well.

Outside from the field of romance and sex, this rune is concerned with any act of creation. If you have any ongoing projects, you can be sure an extra impulse will come and spur you on. The Romance rune can also represent the reconciliation of opposite forces or tendencies, and the resolution of conflicts. Obsessive thoughts, stubbornness in pursuing a person or a goal and lack of objectivity are the downfalls of this rune.

Woman

The first meaning of this rune is quite obvious: it represents women. Any woman that is important in the question, whether you know her or not, will be represented by this rune. Mother, sister, aunt, grandma, a female boss, friend, lover or even enemy... all can be symbolized by the appearance of this rune.

In a more general sense, this rune is related to traditional female abilities and characteristics, such as giving birth, nurturing, comforting and healing. When this rune appears, you can count on the sympathy of others towards you or your situation. In its most negative aspects, the Woman rune can show over-protectiveness, a patronizing attitude or co-dependency. It often strives to maintain the status quo, refusing to change even if the situation is bad.

The Woman rune is connected to nurturing - nurturing a relationship, a person or a project. Like the Moon rune, it can be related to finding a safe place to rest and heal, but while the Moon implies a solitary retreat, the Woman often shows that you need to go back to the people you trust, the people you feel safe with.

Healing is another strong aspect of this symbol, as well as teaching. You can be both the patient/student or the healer/teacher when this rune appears. This rune is also connected to creativity, but in a way that is different from the Romance rune. While the latter is about the conception of a project - the initial stages of creation - the Woman is about the birth of this project. When your creation is brought out into the world, fully manifested.

In relationship readings, this rune isn't bad, but rather weak. While it can indicate subtle ties between people, these are usually so, so subtle that the partners can easily drift away from each other. It can show that one of the partners sees the other as someone who needs to be protected and healed, rather than an equal. Usually, the romance is a bit stagnated when this rune appears, or very close to becoming a friendship.

Man

First of all, this rune represents any male that can influence the situation you are asking about. Father, son, brother, uncle, male boss, friend, lover or enemy... they are all represented by the Man rune.

In a general level, this rune is connected to traditionally male characteristics such as courage, impetuosity, curiosity, perseverance. It's related to fighting, conquering, protecting and discovering new things. When the Man rune appears, you can be sure that a chaotic and dynamic energy is going to influence the situation, for good and for bad.

The Man rune demands action. It's not longer time to quietly sit and think, or to hide yourself and heal. No, it's time to get up and fight for what you want. If things are slow or stagnated, change them. Begin something new. It's not a moment to let things flow as they will, but to grab the reigns and gain control over the situation. Be the leader and defend your stand.

While the Woman rune is about healing, this one can be about defending yourself, and, sometimes, hurting or getting hurt in the process. You may have to defend your opinions, your actions or choices against some aggressive people. This rune offers you a challenge, but is also shows that you have the resources needed to face it. Naturally, this rune has very aggressive potentials in it, and they need a good deal of discipline in order to not become sorely destructive.

The Man rune also accelerates everything... nothing stays still when its around. The outcome of your question may happen sooner than you expected, but the result will probably be unexpected. It does not mean that all will go wrong, no - things will simply develop in unseen ways.

In relationship readings, the Man rune promises a period of instability, so it's important to not have high expectations. Under the influence of this rune, the relationship can be a stairway to Heaven or a ticket to Hell... and sometimes both, in a short period of time. It promises a bumpy journey for the heart, but with a great level of intensity. The Man rune can stand for love/hate relationship, cat and rat games and obsessions... the kind of things that turns one nuts (for good and for bad). This rune is good in questions concerning sexuality.

Harvest

This is a very positive rune, related to abundance, rewards, growth and benefits. But it's important to not mistake this rune for mere luck... while luck may help, the Harvest rune is usually related to the blessings that you have brought to yourself and to others, through your actions and investments.

"Reaping what you sow" is the message of the Harvest rune, but with a positive connotation. All that you worked and fought so hard to get will finally come to you, and you'll be able to enjoy a time of tranquility, optimism and expansion. As the obstacles that were (or still are) in the way become smaller, you have a solid ground to reach out for your dreams.

Thus, the Harvest rune is a positive sign, telling you that you are in right path. However, it's important to know that this symbol is always attached to personal responsibility... it's what you do with your tools (whether they be mental, emotional or physical) that determines what you'll get back in the end. Use them wisely, and luck will serve you well.

On a more negative side, this rune can make one sleep on their laurels and cling to past victories. One can become too reliant on "what works" and refuse to try new things (specially if the Crossroads rune is near). The Harvest runes should inspire you to take some risks and keep evolving, and not to crystalize yourself in one position because it proved to be successful.

In relationship readings, this symbol is connected to more practical aspects than emotional ones. Usually it represents couples who grow together, financially, socially and/or professionally. Security becomes an important factor when the Harvest appears. It represents the moment in which the couple begins to build their nest together, and think about starting a family. This rune tends to be very positive for all relationships, but doesn't always inspire much passion.

Return to The 13 Witches Runes ~ Part I

To be continued...

The symbols of the runes were taken from Susan Sheppard's A Witch's Runes © Kesington Publishing Corp. No copyright infringement intended.

Sometimes you'll give crappy readings...

2011-12-09T15:41:00.001-02:00

You will, trust me.
If you haven't already.

I have done it many times, specially when reading for others face-to-face. I blame it on my anxiety and lack of self-confidence, but I can't deny that every time this happens I trust my cartomantic skills a bit less. And the worst is that I don't even read for strangers yet - I only read for family and friends!

Not very promising for a wannabe card reader. After all, if you have blank spots and a coronary thrombosis when reading face-to-face, you will not have enough concentration to even try to give a good reading. You won't be grounded. And most importantly: you won't trust the message.

Despite my occasional failure at reading for others, I have a deep belief that the cards I get in a reading are the perfect cards for that moment. I almost never draw clarification cards or re-do the reading, unless I realize that the reading I am doing is not about the sitter, but about me. This has happened to me as well, and for me it's a sign that I am not grounded and detached enough from the situation. "It's not about me", I have to tell myself. "It's about the sitter. It's her reading, not mine".

I try but... sometimes I fail. Nothing comes. I look at the cards and get nothing. Not a single tiny bubble of a message floats to the surface of my suddenly still mind-ocean. I scratch my head. I analyze the elements and nothing seems relevant. I try Geomancy and find that, great, now I am more confused. My braincells start to cannibalize each other in the calmness. I smile. I try to connect the cards. I stutter. Nothing makes sense - are these really my cards!?

I give up. And apologize.

This is what happened to me last Monday, while reading for my mother. I have always found it difficult to read for her, due to my closeness to her life... I know too much, I love her too much, and this is seldom a ground stable enough to build a good reading. But she only asks for a reading once in a blue moon, she was a bit upset and I thought the cards could give her some clarity.

The subject was her current relationship with a man. She said he was acting weird, so first I did the Lost Man spread to see what influences were strong in his life at the moment. This particular spread was decent, but not very deep. It didn't disclose any unknown information, so I did the 4-card Present spread in order to analyze the state of the relationship. And here... boy... I got completely lost. Not only it had a bunch of Clubs (which always makes the message hazy), but it was Geomantically unfriendly.

I didn't get any information from these cards. Nada! It almost felt as if I had never seen them in front of me in my life. Of course, now with some distance I could attempt to interpret them... if some of you use the PCO, you can probably read this spread with more clarity than I (the picture of the spread is the one above). But that is not the point - the point is that I should have interpreted it back on Monday, looking my mother in the eye. The right moment is gone.

I gave a bad reading. So bad it was an almost non-reading. Thank goodness mom loves me with all my shortcomings... but I realize a stranger would not be happy with it. This makes the prospect of coming out of the divination closet even scarier.

But I am trying to not attach myself too much to this failure. No, this wasn't my best reading by far. There was nothing enlightening or empowering about it. Yes, it was downright crappy. C'est la vie. Maybe I was just having a Bad Card Day.

What would Mlle. Lenormand do in a situation like this?

The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

Tarot Nova says... find a focus!

2011-12-07T17:57:00.001-02:00

I have always liked Astrology, but only this year I decided to study it seriously and go beyond the usual Sun Sign descriptions. Learning Astrology is like learning a new language... it's not just a matter of memorizing concepts, but also a matter of understanding the reasoning behind it. The whys and the hows. Study and practice until the thought process becomes natural... and this can take a while.

A long while.

I have been reading a lot on the subject and wanted to know what do I need to do in order to keep growing. I really wish to become good at Astrology, and eventually move beyond the basic level. I drew three cards from the Tarot Nova.

The High Priestess as the first card tells me that I am in the right path. Gathering information, trying to understand what I am learning. This card also tells me face the difficulties I am facing with enthusiasm, and not let them make me give up on a subject I am loving so much!

The Page of Swords warns me about a possible pitfall, that is reinforced by the High Priestess - lack of focus. It is true I have been reading all I can find, but this chaotic approach may not really help me in the end. There's a difference between stacking away information and actually learning it. The Page of Swords is also a card of communication, so it suggests that I keep taking to other astrologers (actually, asking them questions) in order to learn more.

I may have to rationally organize my thoughts, in order to optimize my study time -- that could mean keeping a journal or notebook, which is something I never managed to do successfully. Otherwise all I have been learning will remain scattered in the many books I have.

The last card is the 6 of Wands, a card of good results. I will not become a professional astrologer in 6 months, but if I follow the advice given by the cards, I'll really improve as a student. I must let the challenges bring out the best in me. This card also means that I main gain some recognition from fellow astrologers and Astrology students.

Back I go to the notebook! The scary blank page awaits for me!

Tarot Nova © Running Press Book Publishers & Julie Paschkis

ONIM ~ VIII - Balance

2011-12-05T22:54:00.001-02:00

So, I began this ONIM draw using the Wisdom of the Hidden Realms, only to get the Mapmaker of Destiny again. That is not bad... I was about to write about post about him, when I noticed... the guy in the card is smirking. Almost winking, and saying: "Hey... you have free reign here, you know that... right?". So I decided to do what I really wanted to do in the first place-- I changed decks.

I didn't know which deck to choose though. I am honestly a bit sick of some of my fluffy oracle decks... even when they attempt to be 'serious'... they still put it all under a New Age-ish light that does not suit what I am living right now. I want a deck that confronts me, challenges me! I am tired of getting a pat on the back from the Higher Self. I don't want to meet my inner fairy. I don't want to be told I am perfect and full of light and ancient wisdom, because this doesn't help me to grow. It only helps me to delude myself.

I ended up choosing a deck that is either loved or hated by tarot readers. Some people consider it the pure jewel of intuition... others say it's the ugliest deck they have ever seen. I don't really like the deck's design, but it still attracts me, and for me this is a sign that this deck has something to teach me. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the Voyager Tarot.

The card I drew for this week is VIII - Balance (known in other decks as Justice). The first thing that got my attention in this card is the huge diamond in the front... a clear diamond can divide light, and allow us to see all that the different colors that are in it. And a sharp diamond can also cut. This is a nice metaphor to what my mind has been doing: getting a lot of new information, analyzing it carefully and trying to sort what works and what doesn't. My ultimate objective is being able to turn all this theory into practical action, part of my daily life.

There's a catch though. My eye goes to the next part of the card that calls me - the ballerina. She tells me that it doesn't matter how much you read and study balance, you can only find out what it really feels like if you do it. So this card is telling me to find some balance in my own studies... I have been dedicating too much time to learning and gathering information, and perhaps not enough time to practicing it all. I need to walk the walk in order to see if it's a path I want to follow.

I will not find any balance just by reading about it... I must begin to exercise it in my life too. In the deck's booklet, James Wanless also says that this card warns you against being too judgmental of others. A lesson I surely must learn...

Voyager Tarot © James Wanless

Birthday Giveaway ~ WINNERS!

2011-12-01T20:06:00.001-02:00

Dear friends,

Finally, the winners of my birthday giveaway!

My health has improved a bit, but I had a stomach flu on Tuesday (besides my endless coughing) and could not go to work. Thankfully I could remain all day at home sleeping, and recovered very fast. Now I just want to get rid of this coughing that is driving me nuts!

But enough of me! Time to thank my dear friends who left special words to me during all this time. It's hard to pick just two people... perhaps one day fortune will allow me to send one gift to each of you!

Wait? Two people?

Yes, I decided to draw TWO winners, because I received so many nice comments this month. Also, I had two people wanting to draw the name and I didn't want them to fight (LOL!), so I decided that each of them would draw one.

The first winner will be able to pick from the three decks offered in that Giveaway post. The second winner will choose from the remaining two deck. And the third deck will stick around, and probably show up again in a future giveaway! ;-)

Ready?

And the FIRST WINNER is....

MAGIC MENTHA
of the Magic Mentha's Potent Dose of Tarot blog

And the SECOND WINNER is....

AQUIM
of the Karmic Tarot blog

CONGRATULATIONS!

Please, send me an email with your full name and address so I may send these decks to you as soon as possible! I'll probably take them to the Post Office next Monday, ok?

And.... THANKS everyone for commenting and participating of this blog! There'll be other Giveaways in the future, I promise! :-D

Away

2011-11-27T15:16:00.001-02:00

Dear friends,

I am sorry for my absence during the last week... it's not mere laziness on my part. For the last two weeks I have been having a strange throat ache that neither became something serious nor went away. Then it became a pervasive cough that first I thought was simply a response to my irritated throat. But this weekend (finally?) it worsened, and I spent the whole Friday and Saturday coughing all kinds of mucus and phlegm out of my lungs. Today I have decided to take an antibiotic and see if it helps - I dislike taking medicine, but my chest and head hurt from coughing and blowing my nose.

So now I am nauseated thanks to the stupid antibiotic but my cough has lessened a bit. Despite the fact I have done nothing today, I am feeling very tired.

Why am I writing all this here? It's not for people to pity me, I have nothing serious, just a health state that seems to be always on the edge. I have no idea what is wrong with my immune system, but it became much weaker during this year. I think I have not been taking care of myself - I have not been taking care of my mind. I believe I am unconsciously stressed for some of the things that are going on on my life right now, plus my routine... so I decided to take a week-off from any habits that are not essential and that could be keeping me from resting. The excessive amount of time in front of a computer is one of them.

The blog is not to blame, I love it, but I have to say I don't believe I'll be in condition to post here during the next week. I'll come on Thursday, my birthday, to announce the winners of the Giveaway, so no worries. ;) I'll also keep an eye on your blogs and post comments too.

For me it feels a bit pointless to write here about self-cure and self-discovery, spirituality and cartomancy, while denying what my body and my mind have been asking - a break. Or at least a bit more of decent rest.

I hope you'll all stay well while I am away. I'll be back soon, this is not a good bye. Just a "see you soon". ;-) Thank you for understanding and may you all find healing for yourselves too!

Housewives Tarot © Headcase Design & Quirk Books

ONIM ~ The Horse King

2011-11-21T22:42:00.001-02:00

...and blahness ensues.

No, I did not feel like posting today. I began to write the second part of the Witches Runes study yesterday, but I couldn't finish. I found it very hard to chain my thoughts coherently and turn them into a decent piece of writing. My brain became so tired that I hard to turn off the computer, finish organizing my wardrobe and do some Yoga in order to feel human again.

I wonder if the lightheadedness I have been feeling is related to overexposure to a computer screen. I already spend 8 hours working in front of it... then I come home and spend at least another hour... not good. But I decided to get my read in gear and post my ONIM reading, because I want to have discipline.

My lesson and challenger for this week is The Horse King... he's a challenger because he came reversed. In this position, he's is all about control - excessive control. The Horse King asks me to stop trying to do everything by myself and center all the decisions on me. "Live and let live for a while", he says.

Guess what, Mr. Horsy, I can't do that. I am a control freak, you hear me? Control. Freak.

He chuckles. And shakes his head.

Can you have some respect for my suffering, Horsy King?

He won't say anything... you know why? Because he's a helper, but he needs me to accept his help before doing anything. He will not control me and force me to stop controlling everything in my life, because that would be a rather... oxymoronic behavior? And The Horse King, he's a sincere friend even when he's challenging you.

I confess I control things. And I confess I'm controlled by an iron sense of responsibility/discipline that makes me work very hard to fulfill all my perceived obligations, whether they be emotional, physical or professional. And this is very tiring, because I don't really ask others to help me or take care of me, even when it's what I need.

So... the message for this week is a bit simpler than the ones from the weeks before. The Horse King tells me that if I stop trying to control the outcome of everything... if I let my mind rest and forget just for a little while all the pending decisions that wait for me... perhaps I will finally be able to listen to what I want. Perhaps I'll give other people (and life itself) the chance to move according to their own volition.

Sometimes you need to let others take the initiative, in order to perceive their most sincere feelings and intentions.

Wisdom of the Hidden Realms © Colette Baron-Reid & Jena DellaGrottaglia

Grail Tarot says... learn through practice!

2011-11-19T14:14:00.001-02:00

This week was a strange one.

It was intense, even though apparently I did nothing out of the ordinary. I feel that my week passed in a strange wave of chaos from which I felt rather disconnected. It was as if most of the time I was seeing everything from the outside.

Perhaps this is due to my newest discoveries in my spiritual path. I have been reading different things... difficult things, against which I wish to fight sometimes... So it was a mentally tiring week. I can feel the ghost of a headache burning my brain. I feel like I could sleep for a thousand years.

I decided to get some guidance from the Grail Tarot, which I find a helpful tool specially for spiritual questions. I made up a small 3-card spread, that I will share with you right now.

What lesson am I learning right now? ~ Preceptor of Vessels [Knight of Cups]
The Preceptor welcomes the new Seeker of the Order. The Preceptor's role is to guide the young Seeker, guard his path and mediate his contact with the higher teachings. I feel like I am the Seeker of this card... right now I am learning about the importance of having a mentor, a preceptor, someone to discuss you discoveries with, someone to learn from. Alas, I still have no teacher for now.
But this card is also the card of the Grail Knight himself. It's about dedication and effort to understand one's journey. And this is my lesson right now: to listen to my 'inner preceptor' and try to dedicate myself to a whole new way of seeing life and the world. For the first time I feel that my spiritual journey is beginning to affect how I react in the 'material' world. If all goes well, it should transcend the ritualistic part and really become a part of my own world view. This process is painful, because it scraps the veneer off of many things and situations I am attached to. I need to balance what I am learning with what I am living.

How can I integrate this lesson in my life? ~ Two of Vessels [Two of Cups]
The first thing that came to mind mind is that these lessons I have been learning will be important when dealing with Emotional Turmoil™. On a more general level, this card is about sharing. In the image, the Grail Master is studying the plans to build a new temple, both for the Order and for the laypeople who wish to learn more about the Grail. So the best way to integrate what I have been learning is through practice, specially if it involves other people. Share through actions, not words. Make the lessons appear in how I live my life, and not turn them into something I do during the weekends for fun.

What is the next step? ~ Preceptor of Swords [Knight of Swords]
According to the book: "The application of wisdom to overcome the trials that beset us is the message of this card, It indicates a need for reflection, meditations and forethought. Such disciplines lead the Seeker towards their goal; rushing headlong is not the best way." (p.95) I think this is interesting for two reason. The other two cards were emotional cards, probably dealing with the 'softer' parts of what I have been learning, that need to be practiced and shared with the others. That's where I am now. But the next step involves gaining some clarity about my own situation, so I can overcome the obstacles that stand between me and a more enlightened vision of life. The next step will be the 'harder' side.

I also was surprised by the fact there are two Preceptor cards. In the texts I have been reading, it is said that we have two 'gurus'. One is inside of us, and in identifying ourselves with it him/her we can absorb their qualities and gain a more balanced and generous view of life. But there's also the outer guru, the one who will teach us and discuss things with us, and be a living example to us.

I think I have begun to get in touch with the 'inner' teacher a bit, represented by the Preceptor of Vessels But I am determined to find an 'outer' teacher all well... someone who can teach me through examples, and discuss my spiritual discoveries with me.

I am sure he will appear, when I am ready.

The Grail Tarot @ Giovanni Caselli & Eddison Sadd Editions

ONIM ~ Joy

2011-11-14T20:52:00.001-02:00

My card for this week comes from the Wisdom of Avalon deck.
"Joy" is the name. Such a simple word. Such a difficult notion.

In the booklet, Colette Baron-Reid says that this card represents a moment of celebration, of reaching a goal. It's the ending of a journey - a happy ending. I do not think our journey ever ends, but some stages of the journey do. This card shows I am on a different road now.

But this card also more than simply reaching a goal for yourself... the wisdom behind joy is when you share it with other. When you are able to radiate what is inside of you to the others.

I was amazed by how this card relates to what I have been learning lately. That is my lesson, that's what I am trying to incorporate in my daily life. To carry more joy in my heart, and more importantly, to give it to others as well. It's very hard sometimes! Often, when I am feeling like crap (which, considering my roller-coaster moods, isn't such a unusual feeling) I get a feeling of "entitlement" - it's my constitutional right to be annoyed and treat everyone around me like the dirt under my feet.

Bad Marina. Bad, bad Marina!

I confess that I do that sometimes, but the first moment I treat someone badly, I feel horrible! I feel, as we say in Brazil, like the fly on the poo of the bandit's horse. It's not my nature to do that. But silly things can make us behave like a stampede of angry bulls! This is something we must control, because it kills our peace of spirit and is bad for others.

And I found that one of the ways to control is through "joy". Not by pretending to be happy and carrying a clown-like smile like a badge, but by trying to be a good factor wherever you are, instead of a disruptive one. I know our culture glorifies a cynical and indifferent behavior - I think we must fight it. Cultivating joy is a good way to start.

Yesterday I stopped praying for whoever is up there to "grant me this" or to "take away that". I put my hands on my lap and thanked life for giving my my parents, my sister, my friends. Even if this life is just one amongst many, I am blessed to have been reborn close to these people, so I vowed to try to give them joy whenever possible. It's a lesson worth learning.

Wisdom of Avalon Oracle Cards © Colette Baron-Reid

Interview with the Buddha Tarot

2011-11-13T19:37:00.001-02:00

I have owned the Buddha Tarot for almost an year, read the whole book but never tried to use it. Until now.

I was re-reading the book and I finally decided I am ready to try to use it and learn its language. My spiritual path is taking me to a road similar to the one taught by this deck, and I think it could be a valuable journey companion to me.

I must say I was rather surprised at the amount of Major Arcana cards. And some of the in very interesting positions. "Asita" (The Magician) as the last card is a very auspicious result, I don't think I ever god such a good card in that position in all decks I interviewed.

1. Tell me about yourself. What is your most important characteristic? ~ Two of Vajras (Swords)

I am a deck made for those who are trying to find the truth. I will make you rethink many of your certainties... I'll sometimes offer messages that you will find against. My role is to be another voice to discuss your questions and worries until you can find clarity about them.

2. What are your strengths as a tarot deck? ~ XVII. The Chakras - The Morning Star

I bring something completely new into your life. I am a deck that can be used for more than divination - I offer a stair towards a more balanced view of life. I am the door to a spiritual path. I am a friend you can come to when life becomes confusing.

3. What are your limits as a tarot deck? ~ II. Maya - The Mother

I fear I may appear a bit detached from the most practical concerns sometimes. Because my job is help to end illusions and find truth, sometimes you'll find I am working too much on inner factors ad experiences. My language may appear a bit esoteric sometimes, as well.

4. What are you here to teach us? ~ X. Reincarnation - The Wheel of Life

I am here to teach you to see the big picture. Often life appears to be a wheel in which things repeat themselves over and over again without a meaning - and we seem to miss the connection behind all this. I am here to help you to see that, to step back from the wheel and see things as they really are.

5. How can we best learn from and collaborate with you? ~ Ten of Double Vajras (Cups)

As I said before, always connect my message to the big picture - do not focus on the small details only, but see how one things affects all the rest. Also, I suggest you discuss the ideas I present you with others - and if possible, use me to help them as well. Whenever reading about situation that involve other people (they always do), look for the things that connect you with them, and try to see the facts from their point of view.

6. What is the potential outcome of our working relationship? ~ I. Asita - The Seer

I think we will work very well together. If you really work with me, I may help you to feel more confident as a card reader... you feel like you are undergoing an initiation. I really believe I can help you to grow in many ways, and become more than just another divination tool.

PCO: where is the love?

2011-11-09T18:30:00.001-02:00

I did this reading for my friend, A. She's in a long-distance relationship with T., and a few months ago I did a reading about whether she'd see T. again (in flesh, not through the computer) before the year was over. So far the reading has been accurate, so she asked me for another one.

Apparently T. and her are living in a limbo... she says she has been trying to keep the flame alive, but he has been acting distant. So she asked the cards 'what is going on with our relationship?'.

The first thing I noticed about this reading is the lack of Diamonds. Diamonds IS fire, so yes, their relationship is rather cold right. But before I started interpreting the cards themselves, I did the Geomancy analysis.

= +
judge = color witness + number witness
Conjunctio = Cauda Draconis + Laetitia

I was very surprised to see that these are the exact same Geomantic figures I got for the other reading I did for her. My impression is that this reading is a development of that other one... the was no significant change in their situation, they are still heading to the same future.

Laetitia says that there is joy between them, but alone it cannot overcome the obstacles they are facing, represented by Cauda Draconis. And this figure is all about big obstacles - in their case, it's the distance and the different realities they live in. If they want their relationship to survive, they have to trust that their link can survive the distance. Also, Conjunctio suggests that they may have to make sure their communication is as clear as possible, to avoid destructive misunderstandings.

Back to the cards, we see that the Torso position is hosting a complicated card: 8♠, the Field of Stones. But right below it, we have a very nice card, the 2♥. What's going on here? My answer is - there's love, but it's buried under tons of worry and obstacles. The 8♠ is not saying that the love has ended, but only that it is facing obstacles that appear to be unsurmontable at this time. The water offered by the 2♥ keeps them together, but for now is not enough to nourish the dry land that seems to be surriounding them.

The 9♣ on the Head position gives us a possible reason behind their situation. Galahad shows that their situation feels more like a fantasy than reality right now. Everything seems to be too much "in their heads", without the physical contact. Words can deceive, and they depend to them to keep the flame alive. The 4♣ in the Throat position suggests that their communication has been very slow and shy, not as spontaneous as it used to be. They are picking their words very carefully.

My answer to A.'s question is that, while the love is still there, the obstacles offered by a long-distance relationship is undermining their relationship. They are in a limbo right now (Clubs give me this idea very clearly), and its cold seems to be taking hold of them. As Tori Amos said, their honey is spreading itself too thin, and soon all the sweetness will be gone. Love is still in the root of all, but just knowing it's there is not enough: love must be expressed, it must be shared. It is strong but it does not survive on nothing - it must be nourished by the lovers.

Now the question is - is this relationship really worth it all? The 2♥ says there's a true link, but it's also the lowest number of all... Galahad is the highest number, and he seems to suggest that the fantasy could be much stronger than the reality.

Maybe this will be the subject of a future reading.

The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

ONIM ~ The Lady of the Gift

2011-11-07T21:16:00.001-02:00

My card for this week is The Lady of the Gift. When I saw her, I smiled because it reminded of the give away I started last week! What a coincidence!

But this Lady is not just about material giving... it's about giving a bit of yourself in other areas of life. She comes and gently asks me if I have been withholding affection and attention. And when I say "no", she tells me to think again.

Sometimes we withhold these things without realizing. And we don't do this because we are mean, evil and uncaring. We do this to protect ourselves. We do this because we think we have given too much in this aspect, or because we feel we don't have enough for ourselves.

I have been feeling a bit like this, emotionally. But the Lady of the Gift put her hand on my shoulder and says "when you give, you receive, but in a different way".

The oracle have been telling me that I need to give more... I thought I was doing it, but I confess that after a while I was doing it reluctantly, feeling angry for being the only person giving, the only person trying. That's not true giving... that's not true release. When you really open yourself and allow the excess the flow through your floodgates... when you do it because you want, not because you feel you must... then you receive the real payment: freedom from the binding excess.

True giving happens when you do it with your heart open. When you no longer feel like you are cutting parts of yourself away, because you realize that all you are giving... you have. You'll always have it, you'll never run out of it. It's in you, and it'll never leave you.

Sometimes we refuse to give because we think the other does not deserve it... I know, I have done this many times. But the lesson I am learning is that you have to keep trying, for this process is also a purification in itself. When you truly give love to someone who may not be giving you anything back... you free yourself from the anger you have been harboring in your heart for not having your needs met. You let go of frustration. You let things flow. The love is IN you. And if the other keeps refusing to appreciate it, well... the river will find other paths to flow, such is the nature of water. It'll look for deeper banks.

This is lesson of the Lady of the Gift, the same lesson that has been repeating itself over and over again in my readings. It's a hard lesson, it's painful, because I am someone a bit needy... I have low self-confidence, I need to know constantly that the other loves me and appreciate me. I am fiery, I am more used to consuming than to nurturing... but fire can also be a source of warmth and comfort, and I must look for this within myself.

Of course, to insist on giving yourself to someone who clearly doesn't care can be harmful, but that is not the current situation in my life. For now I have to trust myself, trust that my heart will know when to keep nurturing someone (or a situation), and when to cut the flow and look for more receptive territories. More importantly, I need to give myself some love, and not depend on other to give it to me.

"I'll give a little bit
I'll give a little bit of my life for you
So give a little bit
Give a little bit of your time to me
See the man with the lonely eyes
Take his hand, you'll be surprised..."

-- Give a little bit - Supertramp

Wisdom of the Hidden Realms © Colette Baron-Reid & Jena DellaGrottaglia

The 13 Witches Runes ~ Part I

2011-11-06T20:05:00.000-02:00

One of my all-time favorite oracles is the Witches Runes. Differently from the nordic Futhark runes, they are not an alphabet in the most literal sense of the word, but rather a gathering of symbols that are a part of the western "collective mind". Love, man, woman, moon, sun, death... all these are present in the Witches Runes. Although apparently simple, these symbols can be used for fortune-telling with incredible accuracy, and some people also use them in magical rituals.

Sadly, there's very little information about this oracle on the web, so I have decided to talk a bit about the 13 symbols here in the blog. I use the method taught by Susan Sheppard in her book A Witch's Runes. The book is wonderful and very complete - if you like what you see here, I recommend buying it!

It's important to keep in mind is that there is more than one kind of "Witches Runes". One has 8 symbols, the other has 10 symbols and the last one has 13 symbols - this is the one that I use.

I'll split the explanation of all 13 runes in 3 or 4 posts, so I can write more detailed definitions for each of them. Although I have learnt the method from Susan Sheppard's book, the explanations below are my own and come from my own experience - please do not repost them anywhere else without asking first, ok?

I hope you all enjoy it! :-)

The Sun

The Sun is well-known symbol of good omen and protection. It is the life giver, the light that chases away the darkness and brings the new day. It's masculine and dynamic. In the Witches Runes, it represents the beginning of something new, or a significant change in a situation that was bleak. As a source of light, the Sun can symbolize the disclosure of secrets and the clarification of hazy situations.

Just like the Earth and the other planets revolve around the Sun, this rune indicates that you'll soon be a source of attention for some reason, or that something (or someone) will grab your attention irremediably. It often symbolizes the bestowing of an honor or award, or the acknowledgement of a good work. This rune can literally put you under the spotlight and expose you to public scrutiny. Be prepared to deal with a crowd.

Traditionally, the Sun's metal is the gold, and this also reflects in this rune - it's a rune of material wealth and can represent very rich people.

In relationship readings, this rune can indicate that one of the partners has a very strong presence, and may sometimes dominate the relationship. There's a strong Ego whenever the Sun appears, and this can be good or bad depending the nature of the relationship. In negative readings this rune can show that one of the partners is not allowing the the other to grow and shine on their own. But this is not very common - usually the Sun represents a vital and healthy relationship, even if it's not necessarily a peaceful one.

The Moon

Differently from the Sun, the Moon has more subtle powers. While it can represent changes too - after all, the moon changes it face a bit every day - these are usually much slower and long-term than the ones represented by the Sun. It's feminine and passive.

As the rules of the nighttime, the Moon often symbolizes a transition time, in which things are not yet defined or very clear. It may represents lack of information and bad timing - any action done under the influence of the Moon may not go as expected because of that. Just like the moon influences the tides of our planet, it also influences our inner water - our emotions - causing a bit of emotional instability. This often inspires us to act without pondering.

The Moon works with undercurrents, it shows hidden developments or things done in the shadows. All secrets are protected by the Moon, and it its most negative manifestation this rune can stand for lies, deceit and even self-sabotage.

The Moon is also associated with the female cycles, thus it may represent pregnancy, family, roots and ancestors. When the Moon appears, there's a strong need to go back to your roots in order to find comfort and understanding. It often symbolizes that you have to find yourself a safe place to wait, like a newborn in the womb... You have to be patient.

I relationship readings, the Moon can represent a strong sexual attraction (specially with the Romance rune), secret affairs, hidden and contained impulses and secrets. Although it adds strength to the attraction, it does not add speed, so the Moon can often represent that almost unbearable tension that builds between two people during a long period of time. It can also represent a certain instability in the relationship, with moments of closeness and moments of separation.

The Flight

Also called "The Birds", this is a rune of movement and communication. Emails, letters, phone calls, news, unexpected visits... all is symbolized by The Flight.

While the Moon told you you didn't have enough information to act, the Flight tells you the information is coming - if it's not here already. Now you can make informed choices and change your plans accordingly. It's very common for this rune to represent a change in plans, specially those who happen after we get a piece information that we didn't have. This is also a rune of synchronicity - of receiving the information you need exactly when you need it.

On a physical level, the Flight can represent travel, specially by air. With the Waves rune, it can indicate a journey by water. It also represents visits, both the expected and the unexpected kind. Because of its relation to communication, it can represent discussions, exchange of ideas and team work... but its negative side can stand for gossip, rumors and excessive noise. Mental tension, overstimulation, anxiety and lack of sleep are also part of the Flight's dark side.

This rune shows that the wheels are already moving, and that the situation is not longer stagnated. The Flight can symbolize a sudden freedom, a feeling of being liberated from the burdens of the past. Good ideas and solutions for problems appear. And because this rune is a fast one, it tells you to do it - and do it now. Don't put it off till later, or you may lose the opportunity.

In relationships, the Flight shows that there will be a lot of communication between the people involved. Any form of expression involving words will be at the center of this relationship. However, it can indicate some physical distance between the partners. This rune, usually when combined with the Rings rune, can represent important documents and contracts. It's often a sign that you will receive news from (or about) the person you are interested in.

The Rings

It's important to make a distinction between the Rings and the next rune, the Romance. One is about circumstances that connect people - the other is about emotions that connect people.

The Rings essentially represents the union of two elements to produce something new. Contracts, agreements, associations, long-term unions, marriage... all this is represented by the Rings rune. Whenever two or more people work together to attain a common goal, this is symbolized by this rune.

While the Rings are a traditional symbol for love connection, the truth is that this rune alone does not represent this - not very strongly. Marriage for love is something fairly recent in history, after all. But it can represent the union with someone you feel that complements you (or your work) very well. When this rune appears, you have the support of a group of people (or the support of the right person). Whatever you do, don't do it alone! Ask for help!

Reunions, meetings, parties, family dinners, religious gatherings... all are within the scope of this rune. The Rings also represent any social groups you are a part of. But this rune can also symbolize anything that binds you, whether you like it or not... agreements that limit you, relationships that smother you, groups that impose themselves on you. With more negative runes, the Rings can indicate a confrontation with the enemy and the people who oppose you. When the Scythe is nearby, a traumatic separation is likely.

The Rings are also a kind of jewelry, thus they are connected to luxury, expensive cars, beautiful clothing, epicurean meals and opulent places. This rune can suggest that one is being seduced by the superficial, and missing the relevant, the core. On a more harmless level, this rune can represent good taste, fun and group cultural activities such as theaters, museums, shows and cinema.

Go to The 13 Witches Runes ~ Part II

The symbols of the runes were taken from Susan Sheppard's A Witch's Runes © Kesington Publishing Corp. No copyright infringement intended.

A Birthday Giveaway

2011-11-01T18:10:00.000-02:00

A BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY!

Dear friends,

In one month exactly it'll be a very special date for me. My birthday - December 1st! Not that the perspective of getting old makes me particularly happy, but it's still my birthday and I think that life itself is the greatest present we will ever get.

Despite my recent struggles in my own life, I know I have it much better than many. I have a job and a comfortable place to live. I have a loving family and a handful of good friends who make my journey in the Earth worth it. I can take care of my basic needs and even have time and money to worry about other things. I recognize that this is a luxury that I can afford for now - I do not know when the wheel of Fortune will turn.

I wish to share my current prosperity with others... give something back to the universe, and show my blog friends how important their company is to me in this cartomantic/spiritual journey. That's why I decided to hold this little giveaway!

To participate, all you have to do is leave a valid comment in any November post. By valid I mean saying more than 'cool post bro!'. You don't have to write an essay, don't worry!

On December 1st - my birthday - I'll put all the names in a hat and ask someone else from my family to draw one randomly. The winner will be able to choose one of the three following deck/book sets:

I. Complete Tarot Set: it comes with two versions of the Sharman-Caselli tarot, one in colors and one in B&W. It also comes with a very complete book on tarot. The colored Sharman-Caselli has been used sometimes, so it may show some wear...

II. Universal Marseille Tarot: a colorful rendition of the Tarot de Marseille, plus a very good book on the TdM written by Lee Bursten. Published by LoScarabeo.

III. Cosmic Tarot: it's a German edition, both the book and the deck are in this language. But the quality is very good, specially the cardstock - it does not have that thick US Games lamination and the colors are perfect! It's just like the old AGM edition.

I'll send any of the sets worldwide! Just make sure you do not mind sharing your address with me.

That's it! I hope to see you here this month, and I'll do my best to post more often so everyone has a fair chance to participate! Thank you for reading! :o)

ONIM ~ Forgiveness

2011-10-31T23:30:00.000-02:00

What an appropriate card for this week!

My weekend began with me forgiving Emotional Turmoil™. Freeing myself from the frustration and the resentment was very good! Of course, sometimes I still feel like pulling my hair out, but I am trying to be more understanding and forgiving. Count until 10 and breathe...

And today... a horrible fight against my little Taurus Sister. One of the people I love most in the world, but she and I have very different personalities and we almost seem to speak different languages sometimes - specially when we are both angry! She's Earth, I am Fire.

Usually we get along very well despite the differences. But today we began fighting over something quite silly... and in the end it almost turned into a physical fight! Thank goodness Pisces Mom was around to calm us down and talk to us, until we could breathe again. Less than one hour later, sister and I were talking again in a friendly manner. I officially walked into her room and asked for forgiveness, for having hurt her emotionally and almost physically. I told her I truly love her, and that I was very sorry for losing control. She accepted my apologies, said she was sorry too and we ended up hugging and laughing together.

It's impossible to live with other people without any kind of conflicts. Only superficial relationships are completely peaceful. But it's important to never let the ego get in the way of your true feelings. I have many shortcomings, but one good thing about me is that I am always the first one to say I am sorry, and the first to let go of the bad feelings. My love for my friends and family is more important than any pride.

I do believe that the lesson of the Forgiveness card is not simply learning to forgive and to ask for forgiveness. The most important thing is trying to not repeat the same mistakes over and over again, so you don't have to constantly apologize for the same thing... and I am ashamed to say that I am guilty of doing that a bit too often. I am very temperamental, so I end up exploding near my loved ones and hurting them. I have to learn to control myself, so I'll not have to say "I am sorry for hurting you again for the same reason".

Just saying you are sorry and not trying to become a better person is empty. Being sorry does not make the pain you caused another go away. We are not perfect, but we should always aim evolution instead of crossing our arms and believing we can never change. Maybe you'll not change your nature, but you can change your reactions and attitude towards the others.

On the other hand, this card also tells me to forgive myself more. Sometimes I dwell too much in the idea that I am a bad person because of my explosive personality, and that I deserve all bad things that come to me. If I control my explosive reactions better, I'll be more proud of myself and more able to forgive myself in the times I do something bad.

This week I will start practicing some yoga breathing and some mudras for peace... And when irrational fury strikes again, I'll count until 100 if needed and let it go before doing anything violent. No, it will not be easy, but I want to do it - for my sake and for the sake of the people I love.

Wisdom of Avalon Oracle Cards © Colette Baron-Reid

ONIM ~ The Eyes of Beauty

2011-10-25T16:40:00.002-02:00

I am a bit late... I did not turn on the computer yesterday, I was too tired. And yet, despite the fact that I felt too weak to even type, insomnia paid me a late night visit and kept me awake until past 2am.

Thank you for existing, black coffee & Red Bull!

Today I felt even weaker, and I had to ask my Pilates teacher to please take it easy because I my muscles seemed to be exhausted. And they were. They were trembling even though I didn't work out as intensely as I use to. Thankfully, my teacher is a wonderful person and friend, and she helped me to feel much better. I am glad to have her in my life!

I know why I am tired, and why I could not sleep. I know the source of my stress, I know what is making my heart race and my brain swim in cortisol and adrenalin. I have many shortcomings, but denial isn't one of them - I am very lucid about what is going on inside myself. I may choose to ignore it, I may stick my head in the sand... but I know it.

My card for this week is The Eyes of Beauty and it came reversed, which makes it a challenger. Despite the problems I am facing (related to Emotional Turmoil™), this card seems to reinforce the message of my last reading. It's telling me to be patient, and try to see things from a better point of view, to nurture the situation with love instead of trying to solve it with fire. Perhaps I'm expecting too much from the other, and this expectation makes everything seem bleak. If I let go of them, and just see things as they are, they will not hurt me so much... and they will be able to develop naturally, without me trying to control it.

My reaction to this reading was an uncontrollable roll-of-eyes and a mental 'f*** off!'. Okay, I'll keep trying harder. I tend to be impatient, and I want to control things, solve them. Now it's not time for that, I get it. Now it's time for me to awake my interior Buddha and use nonviolent resistance to deal with Emotional Turmoil™.

It's it my fault. I've been wanting a card that justifies my current need for destruction. I'm feeling hurt and tired. I'm the only one working to improve the situation. I feel that I should let hell break loose and deal with the pain later. But the cards keep pointing to different direction... "wait", they say. "Stop, look, listen. Any violent reaction now will make you regret, and may not help. If you cannot change the outside, then grow on the inside". Yes. So I'll follow the cards' advice and keep doing what I am doing. The very act of going against my choleric nature can be a valuable lesson!

As that wise man Freddie Mercury once said, "the show must go on!".

Wisdom of the Hidden Realms © Colette Baron-Reid & Jena DellaGrottaglia

Wildwood Tarot says... don't end it - nurture it.

2011-10-23T15:50:00.002-02:00

I have finally received my delayed packages, and one of them contained the Wildwood Tarot, which I got in a wonderful trade with Carla from Rowan Tarot. I confess I ain't much attracted to the whole Druid thing, and what made me want this deck was the fact it was trimmed and the fact it's illustrated by Will Worthington. When I first looked through the cards, few cards seemed "beautiful" to me... but I know from experience, that you never really know how much you'll like a deck until you use it.

For your information, the first time I looked through the Playing Card Oracles I found the deck scary. It was the beginning of a love story.

So, I did a small 3-card reading yesterday, using a layout taught in the book. The card in the center represents the issue. The card on the left represents what you should not do. And the card on the right represents what you should do. I asked about how can I best deal with my situation with Emotional Turmoil™.

The first card is The Journey (Death). It points to things that are changing, transforming going back to where they came from and being reborn again. This card tells me that the root of the situation is the fact is it changing right before my eyes... reaching a different level... and I cannot say if it's good or not. Just like at first I cannot say if the raven eating the flesh of the reindeer is good - even though it's a healthy part of the circle of life. I cannot follow this transformation, I do not know how to react and it causes me pain.

The second card is The Wheel (Wheel of Fortune). In this position, it's telling me what action to avoid - and it seems to be in contradiction with The Journey at first. I confess I do not know what this card is really telling me. In a better position, it'd tell me to accept I cannot control the changes, and let go. Put in the hands of Fate. Since it's a about what I shouldn't do, I suppose the message is opposite - don't surrender. I mustn't think this change is happening in spite of me - I am part of it. I also think it's an advice to not make any sudden changes.

And this vision is supported by the third card, The Green Woman (The Empress). She is telling me to nurture the situation, instead of abandoning it. That's actually what I have been trying to do, but I seem to be the only person giving anything. It's making me tired and I have considered just ending it all... a decision that I fear would hurt me more than it'd hurt the other part. But the Green Woman tells me to do it for a bit longer... not end or change anything for now. Try to heal it, so no matter what happens, I know I have done all I could to keep the flame alive.

The change is already happening, in a sense. Things will not be the same, but maybe I'm looking at the future through narrow speculative lenses, expecting just one outcome. Maybe it'll all evolve in different ways than expected... maybe the lesson I have to learn in this situation is one I have not envisioned yet.

What I know for now that I enjoyed reading with the Wildwood Tarot far more than I had expected... something a had not envisioned as well. I must thank life for constantly challenging my crystalized views, and for teaching me to be humble when facing what I do not understand.

The Wildwood Tarot copyright © Eddison-Sadd Editions & Will Worthington

ONIM ~ The Fire Faery

2011-10-17T23:16:00.000-02:00

Oh No, It's Monday. Again. But I have to say the week didn't start as badly as I thought it would. Daylight saving time began on Sunday, so now it's still day I leave work. It's nice, it lessens the impression that I am wasting my live inside a windowless cell. The time also seems to pass faster, which is awesome at work (the clock really appears to be moving when I look at it). And although I've been going through some Emotional Turmoil™, I have found a way of dealing with its source for now.

Good. But when The Fire Faery paid me a visit on Sunday night, my first reaction was - forgive the bad word - "what the f***!?". I'm serious. I put the card back in the box and began to wonder if the ONIM was an exercise in futility after all. Because there was no way my week would have any 'creative action and optimism'.

But Monday came, and things changed. I had a godawful night of sleep, but still had a lot of energy during the day. I went downtown, and found two VERY nice used books - one about Egyptian Cosmology and the other about the Mudras. I am also happy with how I'm dealing with the Emotional Turmoil™... I chose the path of Love and Tolerance, instead the path of Hate and Struggle, and this is keeping me from saying things I'll regret later while also pleasing the other party involved. And I also did my work very efficiently, without the usual lassitude.

In a sense, I tried to start my week with a more upbeat attitude. It's not that I am bursting with happiness... life is pretty much the same... but I found ways to keep myself interested. To keep myself alive. To keep my mind stimulated. And since The Fire Faery also brings good results to your efforts, she brought me the biggest gift of all:

The Vintage edition of the Playing Card Oracles is finally here!

My day had been good without the package arriving, but the fact it did was the cherry on the top of the cake for me! And it arrived shortly after the post strike ended, just like my reading about the Postal Blues said it would!

I'm not going to review the deck right now. It has a different back (the central back design that goes all the way to the borders of the cards), a more flimsy and matte cardstock and very, very vibrant colors. The details in some cards are more visible, and the names and numbers of the cards are handwritten.

The Fire Faery promises you light when you are lost in the darkness. And I know that the Playing Card Oracles has been my "Hermit's Lamp" for a while now. That's why I wanted this deck to arrive - and now it is finally Home.

Left: US Games edition. Right: Vintage edition.

Wisdom of Avalon Oracle Cards © Colette Baron-Reid & Denise Garner
The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

Fours as Winds?

2011-10-15T02:12:00.000-03:00

The text below is a small compilation of some reflections I posted at the Temple of Wisdom, regarding the apparent contradiction between the number 4 and the idea of Winds. Many people who start studying the Playing Card Oracles are surprised to see the number 4, usually associated to stillness, structure, foundation and order, being symbolized by Winds - rather unstable forces.

I spent a long time thinking about this, and came to my own conclusions about what the number 4 really represents, and how it matches the idea of the Four Winds very well. Hopefully, my ideas will help other readers and students.

For a while I thought that the number 4 - a number of stability and structure - did not relate at all to the idea of a wind. After all, winds are an unpredictable element. They bring you rains, but they can also steal them away in a matter of minutes. They can be a welcome breeze in a summer day, or a hurricane!

I began to meditate about the 4s and I realized that, while winds can represent unpredictable forces, in the case of the cards they usually symbolize a steady, constant energy. The problem is when we automatically think of the number 4 as stillness - structures are not necessarily still. But they usually behave the same way, go in the same direction, focus on the same goal.

The 4s are symbols of single-mindedness.

Even that mischievous South Wind - the 4 of Diamonds - is constant in its impish behavior. When it's around you can be absolutely sure things are going differently from expected, no matter how sure the situation may appear. Now, if you happen to have the North Wind (4♠) too, then you'll probably be caught between two opposite and strong forces, each trying to have things done in its own way.

So, when thinking about the 4s, I know longer think just about structure, but also about constancy. Constancy is a kind of stability. So the Winds may represent a constant energy, a constant influence that blows you in one single direction. This too can be seen a structure and stability, as opposed to the real chaos of the number 5, in which everything is coming from all directions.

In a broader sense, the 4 winds together represent the 4 directions, the 4 elements, the 4 seasons, the 4 walls... the general structures of nature that surround us... or confine us. So the 4s can represent an influence that confines you to one single kind of vision or attitude. A limiting influence.

The number 4 does not make me think automatically of 'stagnancy', although some people really give this meaning to this number. All four winds in one reading - an excess of number 4 - could indicate stagnancy, because when you are in the middle of all four winds you are basically going nowhere! The structure is too strong around you.     In a more positive context, this same combination may show that you found balance between all the 4 energies.

The East Wind (4♣) in the company of some heavy cards like the 8♠ or the 6♠, could indicate an unwillingness to change, to move. This idea is reinforced by a combination of even numbers - stable numbers.

Meditating about the PCO cards has helped me to expand my own views on the number 4!

The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

Nothing in the head... everything in the mind.

2011-10-12T14:32:00.000-03:00

First of all, I'd like to thank you all my friends who commented on my last Oh No It's Monday! post and wished me good luck with the MRI. Thank goodness, the results were good! Nothing in the brain and skull area! That's such a relief. We may have to investigate the spine area... I still have to talk to my otolaryngologist, see if he wants to try other things or wait to see if the symptom will go away on its own.

The more I think about it, the more I think my Pilates teacher (who is also an physiotherapist) is right - my constant neck/back tension could be the source of the problem. I am a very stressed person, and the fact I have not been sleeping well makes me even more stressed. I have trigger points in my neck and upper back area (she told me that), and these can cause many symptom, from pain to numbness, in different areas of the body.

If that's the problem, then it's something I can deal with. Through Pilates and Yoga exercises for the chakras, I can try to cure the physical symptoms. But as we know stress is also psychological, and this part is the problem. What is making me stressed?

Perhaps my mind is the biggest trigger point of all. It's the true source of my blockages.

In a moment of great worry, I did a 4-card reading with my Playing Card Oracles about what could be causing the facial hypoesthesia. The in the Head position was the 2 of Spades - a card of disagreements, strife, conflicts and... inner turmoil. We discussed the reading at the Temple of Wisdom, but it was hard to pinpoint the cause of the problem due to our general lack of expertise in the medical field (only one member is a healthcare professional, and he did bring some good and objective ideas) .

However, the more I look at this card the more it says to me that the roots of the problem are not just organic, but psychological. The two faces in the card, yelling at each other, could easily be two Marinas unable to come to an agreement. But why can't I hear what they are discussing about? And more importantly - who is the judge of this conflict?

The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

ONIM ~ The Wise Woman of Wonderland

2011-10-10T11:00:00.000-03:00

My card for this week comes from Wisdom of the Hidden Realms deck, and it's The Wise Woman of Wonderland. The card came reversed, which in this deck means that Wise Woman is my challenger this week.

Uh-oh.

As a challenger, the Wise Woman tells me that I have somehow compromised myself out of fear, or that I am in denial of something. The two things could be the two sides of the same coin: you deny that a situation needs to be changed, and ends up compromising yourself because you are afraid to change.

I do not know how this relates to my life at this moment, but such is the nature of denial is it not? Ostriches don't actually bury their heads in the sand, but we, humans, do.

I must confess that my head is empty looking at this card! But then again, another thing has been occupying my mind since last Wednesday, and that it may be the reason behind my lack of 'cartomantic inspiration'. A possible health problem, and the symptom is very strange. I never had this before.

It's a feeling of numbness (hypoesthesia) that starts inside my left ear, then spreads through my outer ear, part of the jaw and part of my left cheek. It sporadic, but bothersome. It's not face paralysis - I can move my face, I just can't feel very well (it's as if I had a shot of Novocaine in the area). When the numbness is strong, there's a mild hearing impairment.

I first felt it last Monday, in the evening, but I thought it was just a strange headache. Then on Wednesday it hit me full-force, for about 4 hours. It came again on Saturday, mildly, and today I woke up with it. As I said, it comes and goes, but there's a portion between my cheekbone and ear that remains "numb-ish" all the time.

I saw my otolaryngologist, he said it's probably nothing in the ear (at least that he can see), and asked me to get a cranial MRI scan done as soon as possible. I had the MRI on Friday, but results will only be available tomorrow (Tuesday). It could be a symptom of stress, but it could also mean something more serious, like a tumor pressing some of my facial nerves.

I don't want to think about it. I really hope it's nothing.

Perhaps the Wise Woman of Wonderland's message will become clearer during the week. And perhaps she's warning me to not accept less than I need, in case the problem is more complex than expected. "Don't play tough, and don't downplay the problem, whatever it may be", seems to be her message to me.

Wisdom of the Hidden Realms © Colette Baron-Reid & Jena DellaGrottaglia

The Answer Deck talks about the Postal Blues

2011-10-09T23:30:00.000-03:00

As some of you know, I've been going through some serious "postal blues", as Helen calls them. I have decks that were sent to me in July... they should have arrived in mid-August. August passed, and so did September. We are in October, and no news about them.

There are a couple of obstacles between me and my packages. First of all, our customs are purposefully taking longer to release international parcels in order to halt importations. Second, the Brazilian has gone on a nationwide strike. They are delivering stuff, but veeeery slowly, and most of packages are sitting forgotten in a storage shed waiting for the day the strike ends.

While I really hope all 5 packages arrive safely, there's one that is special to me, and I am worried about it. In July I ordered a copy of the vintage edition of Ana Cortez's Playing Card Oracles deck. Anyone who knows me or reads my blog knows that this is my favorite deck! So I am eagerly waiting for this, and it'd upset me a lot if the deck got lost in the Brazilian customs/post mess. A friend of mine did a reading about the package for me, and it strongly suggested it has been stolen... much to my worry!

Inspired by Magic Mentha's recent posts using The Answer Deck, I have decided to do a small reading to know where my Vintage PCO is in its journey to me right now. I placed the Journey card in the middle as a significator. Because this card is facing left, the cards are all read from right to left. The two cards on the right mean the past, the two above and below the significator show where the package is now, and the two on the left show the future developments.

The first card, Friend, shows Ana Cortez sending the deck to me. The second card, Hidden Enemy immediately screamed CUSTOMS to me, because the Brazilian customs are the enemy of anyone buying things from abroad, lol! So I'd say this package stayed for a long while in the hands of the "hidden enemy". Challenge and Brown Haired Man show where the package is now... for some reason, I get the feeling the package is already with the Brazilian Post, waiting on a pile of boxes. The high rock in the Challenge card reminds me of a pile of things! The Brown Haired Man must be the person who is taking care of the packages. In any case, the Vintage PCO is being held back by a challenging situation - probably the strike.

Reconciliation is a good card... It tells me that the strike will have to end before I get the package - reconciliation is needed in order to create the bridge. Last, but not least, the Talent card. I confess I do not know what to make of it... my first idea is that it shows the deck going to someone who has the skill needed to use it. But whether this person is me or not, remains a mystery.

I am not sure about the accuracy of this reading - specially because I do not have Hannah's talent to interpret this deck - but it was fun to work with The Answer Deck. I'll keep my fingers crossed so the deck will reach me soon... and preferably with no missing parts!

Answer Deck © Running Press Book Publishers & Nicholas Zann

ONIM ~ The Butterfly

2011-10-03T23:53:00.001-03:00

This week the ONIM reading was done using the Wisdom of Avalon oracle. I think I'll alternate between this deck and the Wisdom of the Hidden Realms, rotating them every week or two. Both are by the same author, so they 'work' in a similar way.

My card for this week was The Butterfly, and its message is simply: open your eyes to the beauty.

Oh well. That doesn't say much. But somehow, it's related to what I have been doing.

Once more, I have a shrine. A small, personal place in which I recognize and honor the power of nature, of life... of this beautiful miracle that is the very universe in which we live. When I decided to abandon the path of active spirituality, I took apart my altar, threw the candles away, hid my Egyptian dagger somewhere safe cleared it in such a manner you'd never know a spiritual shrine had been there once. I wanted to forget it, because for me it was a symbol of how much I had fooled myself.

But the world is always turning, round and round. What goes, returns.

And now I have re-created this small place of... beauty. That's what it is, nothing more than that. A place in which I can say thank you, in which I can recharge, in which I can communicate with the universe, in which I can cry when I feel sad and celebrate when I feel pleased... but above all, it's simply a place of beauty, that reminds me of my connection to everything there is. Like I said in another post, I was not born to be an atheist (no disrespect intended to those who follow this path - I did try!), because I need to cultivate my spiritual side. It's part of my personal beauty.

Aside from that, I have been dedicating myself to small crafty projects. Esoteric statues and symbols are not only hard to find here, but also incredibly expensive. That's why I have decided I'll try to my my own sigils/figures/symbols... of course, within my level of skill. Today I went to a handicraft supply store and bought myself some cold porcelain, some paints and brushes.

Now, I have never been a talented craftswoman, I will not lie, but I decided to just do it. I decided to learn, to see beauty in the imperfection of my own creations, and recognize the power therein. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and cultivating it is not simply a matter of making yourself and your surroundings conform to an "idea" of beauty, but of allowing your eyes to perceive it and accept it as it comes.

Wisdom of Avalon Oracle Cards © Colette Baron-Reid & Gary A. Lippincott

Oh No It's... Tuesday? ~ The Mapmaker of Destiny

2011-09-27T12:29:00.002-03:00

Ask me why I didn't post yesterday!

... No? Fine, I will tell you anyway.

I have not posted for two reasons. First, I was not inspired to write. That's the sad truth... I did a reading with the Oracle of the Dragonfae, but for some reason my fingers stiffened and my mind went blank. Second, I have decided I'll change decks, at least for a while. My love for the Oracle of the Dragonfae has not diminished, but I really feel like practicing with different decks. For the next few weeks I'll be using the two Colette Baron-Reid decks that I own: Wisdom of the Hidden Realms and The Wisdom of Avalon.

This week, my card was The Mapmaker of Destiny. He is both an ally and a challenger, and he reminds you that although some facts in a life are "fated" (I call these events 'knots' of fate), there's still a big power in choice. Fate can bring you circumstances, but how you react to those and the choices you make based on them determine how you will evolve.

The Mapmaker tells me that I am about to reach a "knot of fate". The moment that is approaching is being brought to me by something superior, but how it'll develop depends on my choice. I know why this card showed up, I could feel its message in my veins. ... For a long time I have been struggling with the crossroads my own actions put in front of me, without ever coming to an inner consensus. One day I am sure about what to do, the next morning all certainty fades into thin air.

Now I am starting to think that perhaps I have already chosen - I am just not fully comfortable with my choice. Perhaps my decision has not risen to my consciousness yet, but somehow I feel it's there, dormant, waiting for me to find it.

According to Colette Baron-Reid:

"You’re faced with a relationship or circumstances brought to you by Fate. How you respond will lead you into your perfect Destiny. Your Ally may assume the form of a soul mate come to heal your heart and be your companion. Perhaps your Challenger makes you face the things within you that must change in order for you to express your highest good. [...] Pay attention as your map unfolds now. And remember that Fate makes the map, but Destiny is determined by the manner in which you engage your journey." (p. 68-69)

The Mapmaker of Destiny smirks, shakes his head and says "my dear, you will not be sitting on this fence for much longer...".

Wisdom of the Hidden Realms © Colette Baron-Reid & Jena DellaGrottaglia

Review: Sacred Scarabs by DeTraci Regula

2011-09-25T19:25:00.002-03:00

I received the Sacred Scarabs in a trade with a friend. I had no special interest in them, but they seemed to be a nice, different kind of oracle that I'd like to have in my collection. Back then I was trying to learn how to read with the Futhark Runes, and any oracle that resembled runes began to interest me.

But the Sacred Scarabs had a more long lasting effect on me - even more than the Futhark runes! Somehow, they opened the way back to a spiritually I had long forsaken, and this alone makes this oracle special for me.

The Sacred Scarabs is a small set of 30 blue-and-gold rubber scarabs. I know that the rubber material can put some people off, but I found that this makes the little scarabs quite resistant. Some of my glass and stone runes get scratched or faded from constantly rubbing against eachother in the bag - that does not happen with the scarabs.

Besides, the scarabs themselves are rather cute. The top part is painted in egyptian blue, and has a rather detailed shape of a scarab beettle. The bottom is flat and painted in gold and blue, with a bas-relief depiction of a symbol. That is the symbol you use to read the scarabs.

The Scarabs were "created" by DeTraci Regula, a Priestess of Isis member of the the Fellowship of Isis, and they were inspired by a dream she had. The dream is described in full detail in the Introduction of the book, but the idea is more or less this: she was a priestess in Ancient Egypt, partaking in a big celebration in a temple. During this celebration, a unique method of divination was used. Small scarabs would be put on a net and then thrown over the people. The scarab that hit a person was a message to her/him. Very neat!

It's important to say that the scarabs have appeared before in the book The Mysteries of Isis, also written by Regula. There she introduces the idea of doing divination with symbols inscribed underneath small scarabs. Minor changes have been made between the 'first' version of the oracle and the finished Sacred Scarabs set. The author explains these changes in the beginning of the companion book, and in my opinion they are not detrimental to the set.

The set includes a 144 p. companion book, 30 rubber scarabs and a small black pouch for you to carry them. All in good Llewellyn quality. In the book, Regula tells you briefly about the Magic and Divination in Ancient Egypt and what the scarab meant to Egyptians. She also teaches a divination ritual, with invocations to Isis and Khepera (the scarab god), and three spreads with multiple scarabs. One of the good things about the book is that Regula includes many examples, both of single and multiple scarab readings.

After that, she presents the meanings of the 30 scarabs. Between two and three pages are dedicated to each symbol. First Regula describes the symbol in a general way... what it meant in Ancient Egypt, which God/dess it represents and why, the legend behind it etc. Then she proceeds to giving specific meanings to different kind of questions - love, money, career, family, health, spiritual path, timing, location etc. I found this to be VERY useful when getting acquainted with this oracle, because the Egyptian mythology is not as well-spread the Celtic or Greek/Roman one. I mean, knowing why Tahuti the Ibis can be a good sign in questions about a career involving research, but not good when it comes to sexual relationships, is not "common knowledge" even amongst eclectic pagans.

Some of the symbols in this set include The Lotus, Sobek the Crocodile, The Throne of Isis, The Shen, Nephtys, Anupu the Jackal, The Ankh, Serquet the Scorpion, Min, Feather of Maat, The Starry Sky of Nut, The Nile etc. A nice assemblage of Egyptian symbols, by no means complete.

In the last chapters, Regula teaches you how to create talismans using the scarabs and how to make your own scarabs. She also gives a brief lesson on Egyptian Hieroglyphs, what they depict and which sounds they represent.

I like this oracle. It's nice to play with, it can be very to the point, and it's a wonderful way to become acquainted with the Egyptian mythos. In my opinion, it easily beats many of the Egyptian tarot decks out there, which are more true to the art style than to the true symbolism of the Egyptian imagery. It is not an intuitive oracle at first, because the scarabs are so simple, but as you learn more about the symbols, they speak to you more clearly.

I recommend the Sacred Scarabs to any person looking for an Egyptian oracle with a solid foundation. I also recommend it to those who enjoy runes, who feel like working with non-cartomantic oracles and to collectors. I do not recommend it to people who don't feel any attraction to the Egyptian culture nor to those who like oracles with a rich imagery.

Sacred Scarabs © Llewellyn Worldwide & Kerigwen

The Foot Chronicles: In a Snail's Pace

2011-09-21T12:18:00.000-03:00

There are times in my life in which I remember my dreams in detail. They are so strong I feel 'high' during the morning, a part of me living in reality and a part of me still lost in the remnants of my dreams. And there are times in which I can't recall a dream to save my life. If I couldn't see the sun rising through the eastern window, I'd doubt I had slept at all.

The last couple of months have been 'dreamless' months. Of course I dream, but their contents remain a mystery locked in the black box of my mind.

But today - ta da! - I remembered. Not all the dream, but a part of it that made me sit on my bed and think about it for a long while before getting up. Not something I usually do: early in the morning my thoughts have the complexity level of a Neanderthal's, and nothing profound comes from my brain cells as I drag my sleepy butt to the bathroom. I even think in grunts. (Okay, maybe I am exaggerating.)

In my dream, I was visiting a doctor/therapist who specialized in... feet. Yes. She was treating my feet... they were swollen and strangely sticky, as if constantly covered by a thick layer of sweat. Another doctor had already mentioned that my feet skin looked strange. She said it was fine, what I had was not very hard treat, but told me that I'd have to cover my feet with a towel and 'squeeze' it twice a day. Okay. I did that to see what she was talking about and the the most strange thing happened. Tiny weeny snails - yes, snails - started to come out of my pores. Surprisingly enough I was not disgusted at that... I looked at the snails, they were rather cute, and I wondered how the hell did I get such a strange parasitic infection.

Snails in my feet. Literally in my feet. I was reminded of the 4-card spread taught by Ana Cortez... the bottom position, represented by the suit Spades and element Earth, is the foot. The roots, the foundation, the constant pull of gravity. Without a strong foot we crumble, no matter how high and deserving our ideals are.

So, I have parasites in my feet. I can't help but to think my personal roots and foundations are somehow being eaten away by something. I don't hate snails, and never did that cruel thing of putting salt on them... in fact, when I was a child, I used to like them and play with them. I'd let them slide down my arms! It's not like snails are the boogeyman of my unconscious world, so I can only assume that whatever is eating my 'feet' must be doing that with my silent consent.

Am I destined to fall like a tree rotted out at the base? And perhaps from that new things will grow? Or am I supposed to discover what is the parasite and fight it? I do not have answer to these questions yet, but there's something definitly gnawing at my core, slowly but steadily. And anyone who ever had the pleasure of being visited by multitudes of snails knows how damaging they can be to your plants - even though they work in a snail's pace.

All this reminds me of this week's Oracle Speak, by Ana Cortez. She drew the 9 of Spades, also known as Throne of Spiders, a card that usually points to something that is consuming you, your energies, your resources. Coincidentally, this card belongs to the Earth element, with is the same element that rules the Foot position in the 4-card spread. Time to pay more attention to the Foot position of my spreads...

Snail photo © akedeszign at stock.xchng
The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

ONIM ~ The Lady Alfreda

2011-09-19T23:20:00.000-03:00

A quiet week. I have been unwell - not physically, but emotionally. Unable to finish anything I start, unable to choose. I have started a review, a couple of posts, but never got around to finishing them...

Still I drew a card for the ONIM and promised I'd sit down and write. Writing helps me to organize my thoughts, and the Gods know they have been a mess. My Dragonfae companion for this week is The Lady Alfreda and I have to say... she scares me.

She reminds me of my mistakes. In a sense, it is part of her job - to remind you of what you have done wrong, so you may work to make it all right again. It's not simply to sit down and blame yourself, but to untie the karmic knots you have created to the best of your ability. Above all, she wants you to understand that what you are creating now will return to you latter.

However, I have a proclivity for sitting down and "wallowing" in self-blame, escapist fantasies and whatnot.

Oh Lady Alfreda... if it was all a matter of making things right, that would be easy. But what is right? What is a good action? If I hurt someone in order to not hurt another person, how will the infamous Threefold Law (that you represent) punish me? Have I been good? Have I been bad? Or have I been merely human?

If only our steps in this world could be easily divided into good and bad, I suppose our journey would be much easier. I am no cynical, I do think that goodness is something we must nourish within ourselves and share with the others. But sometimes we are not simply thorn between the right and wrong, but between two options that have both their light and their shadow.

We all have our shadows. I am sure Lady Alfreda knows that, being a creature of the night herself. I believe that right now I am facing mine, and Lady Alfreda reminds me that my choices have consequences. What you do returns to you somehow. Even if just in memories, back to haunt you and remind you of what could not be....

"Justice will prevail" she says. I don't fall into the trap of thinking that things will go my way - in fact I am forced to think about my actions now and my future decisions and decide whether I am in the 'right' side or not. I wonder how the Gods know, and how they can apply such a simplistic law over such complicated beings - us.

I am not questioning the Dragonfae, she makes me think of important things. Actions and reactions. Consequences. Choices. Things I do not wish to think about. Lady Alfreda puts a dark mirror in front of me and says the time of choosing is approaching. And I close my eyes and cower. And I realize the punishment does not come from the Gods, but from ourselves. They needn't to move a finger - we have enough heart, soul and memory to crucify ourselves for a lifetime....

Oracle of the Dragonfae © Blue Angel Gallery

ONIM ~ Tatsuya

2011-09-12T23:38:00.000-03:00

I did a small full moon ritual... and pulled my card for this week. I can say for sure that this time it felt right, and I was happy for communicating with the Dragonfae again.

I always thought that Tatsuya was a boy-dragon... but it's a SHE! What a surprise! Her message is "have courage", and she is offering her company during this week so I may walk my path with less fear. I see her a confirmation that I have chosen the right path spiritually, for the time being (I'm still making choices in other aspects of my life). Now that I have opened this door, I must go through it.

Did you know I am afraid of the dark? Yes, 23 years old and afraid of dark like a child. No, not even candlelight helps me, as it is still 'dark'. Yet today I turned off all the lights and stayed in darkness for a long time, so I could bathe in the moonlight and meditate... and felt no fear. Okay, maybe a little bit, but not that overwhelming emotion that usually makes me run towards the closest lightbulb!

Perhaps Tatsuya was on my shoulder already, lending me courage (although I had not talked to her yet). But her message of bravery is about both the small and the big fears. The ones that simply bother us, and the ones that sometimes define us. In many aspects of my life, I am still defined by my fears... by all things I think I cannot do, by all leaps I am afraid to take. In Tatsuya's own words:

"You fear masks a deeper dilemma: that of not being your true self and of not knowing that self. This stage will see you reveal your spiritual beliefs, live with integrity, open up emotionally, and become richer and more blissful in every way. [...] Come through the door. There is nothing to fear. You will see." (p.78)

Lucy Cavendish says that Tatsuya usually shows up when we are exploring new options in life, be it moving to a new place, seeking a deep change in any area or dealing with the stagnated situations... she is a Dragonfae of the turning points. She is the fire that helps to burn the old, not to destroy it, but to transform it. We cannot forget who we were, because it's part of who we are, but we can, like an alchemist, use the fire to transmute ourselves.

This fiery Dragonfae is telling me to stop fighting against the past, because it is a useless battle. There's a door before me. It's time to transmute past and use the lessons learnt, good and bad, to build my journey into the future. And it is time to stop being afraid of everything... from the greatest darkness, life itself is born.

Oracle of the Dragonfae © Blue Angel Gallery

ONIM ~ Cardless (Lotus)

2011-09-05T23:13:00.005-03:00

This week there is no card.

I did not feel like reading. It did not feel right. I felt no connection to the Dragonfaes, and I thought that any reading today would be artificial. I did not create the ONIM to be a superficial regular exercise, despite its silly name (Oh No It's Monday!).

I am slowly going back to rituals. Not back to the 'mainstream' Paganism, or to Wicca, but to a practice that I can relate better to. I am not giving details, because right now I feel I need to be in silence.

That's why there's no card. I need silence.

One Sacred Scarab jumped out from the bag during a ritual I did today. The Lotus. It's a symbol of spiritual development, and for me it tells me I am in the right path. It represents the new spiritual ways that are opening to me in this moment, and encouraging me to read the sacred texts and practice them. The Seshen (Lotus) also says that I can overcome my difficulties by actively changing my attitude - I can grow out of the mud and blossom through my own efforts.

And honestly, I have been doing all that. Or trying to.

I have nothing else to add for the time being... I am making some new discoveries, slowly, one step at a time. I always rush into my spiritual roads before even knowing if it's what I really want/need... so now I am taking it easy and staying quiet about it.

Know. Will. Dare. Keep Silence.
The Hermetic Quaternary.

Grail Tarot says... there's a flower that blooms in solitude.

2011-08-31T12:08:00.005-03:00

I have been meditating about the influences surrounding me in this moment. I began to notice that one of the most damaging influences I have to deal with in my life is cynicism. I don't mind skepticism, because it helps us to question, to think for ourselves instead of blindly following the mass. But cynicism can be destructive... all the people that I know who have been bitten by this bug (and some of them are very close to me), became very dry on the inside. Surely, they have a very active mental and physical life, but they lack something. Even their emotional side sometimes seems to be stilted, because emotions require you to dive and cynics are always afraid to drown.

I saddens me that many of these people, while having a good nature, often feel the need to try to prove you that their point of view is correct. Some of them can be quite active in doing this, behaving like some sort of missionary, and others will do that passively, simply showing their contempt for you. They are the kinds that will say "God/Astrology/Tarot/Divination/UFO/etc. is bullshit" without ever trying to understand what any of these things are. They are just happy to tread on other people's beliefs, because nowadays this is a sign of superior intellect.

But is it?

I don't know. I once had a boyfriend who openly told me he considered me mentally inferior to him, for believing in tarot and for being a woman. I am often treated with contempt by the people around me who do not understand what I do, and are not interested in learning. I find nothing superior about any of these attitudes, but I endure them. Yes, I can accept cynicism (it is a way of living, after all), but no, I cannot thrive in it.

So I asked my Grail Tarot about what can I do to not let cynicism influence me so strongly. The first card, that is the answer to my question, was Prester John (The Hermit). The second card, which is the qualifier of the answer, was Sheba (The Empress).

The first card is very direct... in order to avoid being so affected by the cynicism around me, I will have to isolate myself a bit, or at least part of me. The most sensitive part - the mystic soul. It tells me to observe others, and not jump so quickly to defend myself or my point of view. I have nothing to prove who people who will not accept any proofs. Sheba confirms that I'll find growth in this quiet isolation. Both cards also seem to suggest some sort of retreat, perhaps in nature. I need to be alone to find my inner truth, one that can stand against the pointing fingers.

I should not need the approval of other to believe in what I do. I should not need their approval to live by these beliefs, specially since the don't harm anyone. I may have to learn the art of disentanglement.

The Grail Tarot @ Giovanni Caselli & Eddison Sadd Editions

ONIM ~ The Wild Huntress

2011-08-29T23:14:00.000-03:00

My card for this week is The Wild Huntress, a Dragonfae who chose to fight for those who cannot protect themselves. She is also the Dragonfae of the endings, and invites me to meditate about how difficult it is to close a door.

Choices. I am facing them now, and so are many of you I believe. It's never easy. No matter how optimistic you are, the truth is that choosing usually means picking one way and abandoning the possibility of treading other paths, at least for the time being. Some doors never open again... others do, but they no longer are what they used to be. That is the price of choosing - that is the price of ending.

The Wild Huntress always seeks a clean ending. It's not her desire to use violence to cut the ties, and to provoke more pain than necessary. But she does not deny that there's pain - she is a warrior after all, and she has her scars. We too carry the scars of our choices, of all the endings that gave birth to new beginnings.

I do not think this Dragonfae is telling me to end anything now... she just wants me to think about it. Thinking about this is facing the shadow, the side of you that is afraid to choose, the side of you that doesn't wish to let go, the side of you that wants to have it all. The Wild Huntress is inviting me to meditate about which ties I need to cut, and which ones I will maintain in the next stage of my journey.

What are the roots of my ties today? Love? Fear? Attachment? Dependancy? A true connection? I need to ponder about this, for each ties requires a special pair of scissors to cut it. The ties that are growing must be kept, the ones that are dying will have to be severed one day, or they'll begin to rot and poison the people involved. Some ties do not need to be cut, but simply be pruned before they become smothering.

To know healing, we must first know death.

"I will teach you to seek and to hunt and to be an independent being of power. When something is over, it is over. I can help you to bring about that ending, cleanly and without cruelty. My sword can give you strength and skill. My sword can be used to defend. My sword can cut you free from the bonds and beliefs of the past. [...] My sword gives you the opportunity to change your life." (p. 81)

Oracle of the Dragonfae © Blue Angel Gallery

This is how I reconnect

2011-08-27T18:27:00.005-03:00

Come, come, whoever you are.

Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.

It doesn't matter.

Ours is not a caravan of despair.

Come, even if you have broken your vow

a thousand times

Come, yet again, come, come.

(Jalal ad-Din Muḥammad Rumi)

During the last couple of years, I have watched my spiritual path change a lot. Mountains became abyss, straight roads became curvy, river became deserts, and forest became sea, the nights had a midnight sun, the days were dark. Topsy-turvy, that's how my spiritual world is. My natural instability - sometimes I believe it could be chemical - makes it impossible for me to remain faithfully in one path.

I began the year feeling pretty much disconnected from all things spiritual, except for card-reading. I had more or less accepted that it had died in me, and it certainly felt very definitive. But I am glad for this spiralling universe we live in, for it allows things to die and be reborn in a better way.

Right now I am reading again books on spirituality.I have no intention of choosing a definite path yet, but I am slowly opening myself to the spiritual rituals and practices once more. I am rediscovering my books about astrology, and deciding to restart my studies in a more disciplined manner.

I am looking at my life, and trying to rediscover myself in it as well. Where is Marina? Who is she? What does she love? What does she want to do? What does she feel? All these things that seem so obvious to, but they are a complete mystery for me. I feel like I have been covered in a quilted duvet, made of everyone else but me.

I am also rediscovering my own view on spirituality. I cannot be a cold and skeptical person, it feels unnatural for me to try to be this way - I have the soul of a mystic. I cannot see life through the dry lens of a rational microscope. I understand now that I am not obliged to believe in anything, but that I choose to.

I believe that cards can see the future. I believe that the stars can influence us. I believe there's a greater power that connects us all (although it does not have to be a God/Goddess). None of these un-scientific beliefs come from ignorance, from lack of study, from poorness of mind, from fear. I have chosen to believe in these things. They speak to my soul, and I'll no longer apologize for having the soul of an enraptured mystic.

I am nowhere finished though. I am still in process of reconnecting, and I know this may take many years. I have a wound that never heals, just like the Fisher King. Sometimes I lose the connection with my soul, I feel ashamed for being who I am. I feel powerless, incompetent and misplaced in this world. And in these moments, I know must read aloud the ecstatic words of the poet Rumi. He was a mystic, and through his poetry I reconnect.

Come
I shall tell you in secret
Where this dance leads to.

See how the particles of the air
And the grains of the desert sand
Swirl, disoriented.

Every atom
Happy or miserable,
Swirls passionately
Around the sun.
-- Jalal ad-Din Muḥammad Rumi

God, Goddess, Universe, Spirit... Don't let me ever forget the dance. Don't let my passion be smothered. Don't let the mask become my real face. Don't let me turn into a stone statue amongst the statues.

That is my prayer.

Artwork: Stars by Maxfield Parrish

ONIM ~ Grandmother's Magick (and Queen Oonagh)

2011-08-22T23:23:00.001-03:00

Today, I cheated.

Today, as I sat down to drew my Dragonfae card of the week, I felt something was off. I still don't know what it is, but for some reason I felt very uninspired to draw a card. I prayed to the Dragonfaes and the forces that watch over us for a meaningful card for this week. For a good friend and a good lesson.

I drew the bright and brave Queen Oonagh. Her shining presence told me that the solution for my current dilemma (and yes, I happen to be in the middle of an emotional dilemma) is inside me. That I all I have to do is to keep a cool head, plan a strategy, explore my inner options and use my imagination to find my way out of this confusion. Just that.

Ugh.

The Queen Oonagh is a brilliant ruler, but that's not the message I needed. I felt that just thinking about doing all this would make me start the week tired! I put the cards down... had dinner... talked to my family about silly things... and came back.

I just want to rest. I just want to be comforted. I just want someone telling that everything will be alright, that none of the choices I make will bring the Armageddon. I just want some time to breath without feeling like I'm owing the world everything.

And then I drew a new card. And the Grandmother Magicks came to me, saying "I comfort you". This Dragonfae is old and experienced like the Queen Oonagh, but she understands that sometimes all you need is a bit of rest, cookies and tea. She is the Dragonfae that represents maturity - when she appears, it's because you are growing from child stage to mature stage in some aspects of your life. And growing.. involves some pains...

She is also connected to all bodily cycles, which suits my week perfectly since I'm in my moon-time right now.

I am happy for the presence of these two Dragonfaes in my week, but Grandmother Magicks' message is what I can handle right now. I know that very soon I'll have to confront my problems and use my rational mind to make some decisions, but right now I wish to withdraw from these conflicts and enjoy some warm milk and chocolate cookies with Grandmother Magicks.

This week, I will allow myself to not think about my future decisions and responsibilities. This week I'll open my door to Grandmother Magicks and let her share a bit of her wisdom and peace of mind with me. Perhaps this is a good opportunity to call my grandmother, and ask her to send me some good vibes (she works with crystals!).

Oracle of the Dragonfae © Blue Angel Gallery

Review: Titania's Star Tarot by Titania Hardie

2011-08-21T17:51:00.013-03:00

I have a penchant for the bizarre, specially oracle-wise. I enjoy having uncommon oracles in my collection; not uncommon in a sense of rare/expensive, but more in a "different from the mainstream" way. One of my favorite strange decks is the Titania's Star Tarot.

At first, it appears to be a common tarot deck with brightly vivid colors. It has 78 cards, 22 Major Arcana, 56 Minors, 16 Court Cards, 4 suits. The cards have a small size (6.4 x 9.4 cm), wonderful for small hards like mine, and a rather thin cardstock. I was surprised to see that it's quite resilient to intensive shuffling, as long as you are careful not to the bend them (because it marks badly). The cards do not have any sticky lamination to them, so they slide easily against each other.

The images are the real charm of the Titania's Star Tarot. The cards have a clean and elegant design, featuring silhouettes against a strikingly colorful background. The borders are silver, and the backs are reversible.

The package is beautiful. Outside it looks like a silver hardcover book, but when you open it the actual book is a softcover 'glued' to the right side. On the left side, there are two small boxes imbedded into a blue frame - these contain the cards. The book is in full color, displaying good quality scans of the cards along with fairly detailed description for the Major Arcana and small paragraphs for the Minors and the Court Cards.

Titania Hardie begins the book with a historical slap across the face, claiming that the tarot came from Ancient Egypt and that the gypsies brought it to Europe etc. Countless books have corrected this misconception, but it still survives. She explains how her interest for the cards began and how she seeks, in this book, to "unite the immense flexibility of the cards in their traditional meanings with their equally significant astrological past".

After this introduction, she explains how to read cards, and give some spreads that can be used to read tarot. I think that any beginner confronted with these spreads would tie his brain into a knot and give up tarot altogether. The most 'basic' spread has 9 cards, with no positions. The idea is that you put the information together as you read each card, connecting them as you go.

Past the spreads, and we finally get to the interesting part - the cards meanings. And that's when things get a bit strange. Hardie uses different name for most of the Majors, and also changes the usual astrological attributions.

1. The Magician: The Magus - Mercury
2. The High Priestess: Veiled Isis - Virgo
3. The Empress: Isis Unveiled - Libra
4. The Emperor: The Sovereign - Scorpio
5. The Hierophant - Jupiter
6. The Lovers: The Two Paths - Venus
7. The Chariot: The Conqueror - Sagittarius
8. Justice: The Balance - Capricorn
9. The Hermit: The Sage - Aquarius
10. The Wheel of Fortune: The Wheel - Uranus
11. Strength: The Enchantress - Neptune
12. The Hanged Man: The Martyr - Pisces
13. Death: The Reaper - Aries
14. Temperance: The Alchemist - Taurus
15. The Devil: The Black Magician - Saturn
16. The Tower: The Lightning - Mars
17. The Star - Gemini
18. The Moon - Cancer
19. The Sun - Leo
20. Judgement: The Sarcophagus - Moon
21. The World: The Adept - Sun
22. The Fool: The Materialist - Pluto

The structure of the Titania's Star Tarot is very similar to the one used in the C.C. Zain's Brotherhood of Light Egyptian Tarot, but Hardie gives no sources or credits whatsoever in her book. She also borrows the court card structure from Zain's deck, with the Kings, Queens and Youths (Pages) representing individuals ruled by each of the 12 zodiac signs, and the Horseman (Knight) representing thoughts.

Another peculiar thing about the court cards in this deck is that, whenever one of them is reversed, it means a person from the star sign attributed to the card, but with the opposite gender. For instance, the King of Cups is a Cancer man when upright, but when reversed it means a Cancer woman.

The Minor Arcana has very unique meanings as well, that differ significantly from the RWS/Thoth ones most of decks seem to follow. She assigns as specific meanings to the numbers and an specific area of life to the suits, and thus arrives at the individual meanings of the cards. This has also been 'inspired' by Zain's Brotherhood of Light Egyptian Tarot, but of course there's no mention to his deck or book.

The big problem is that some of her meanings end up being extremely fortune-tellerish. The 4 of Wands is concerned with money coming through a legacy or will. The combination of The Reaper plus The Black Magician can mean physical death to whatever court card is closer to the pair! The 7 of Wands can indicate success in teaching, writing or publishing. The 5 of Cups can mean supreme luck in love. And so on. She does give some generic keywords to each card, by no clues as to where she got them from.

The Titania's Star Tarot is another case of pretty deck with a problematic method attached to it. Of course, you can use the cards with any system you prefer, but these cards were designed with Hardie/Zain's method in mind in a very obvious way. Even the arrangement of the suits symbols in the Minor Arcana follows the meanings given by Hardie.

You can stretch the meanings creatively and still use the deck to give decent readings, but honestly it makes you feel a bit 'fake' after a while, because you are bending the method to make it work. And if you use Hardie's method exclusively, it's a hit-or-miss... this deck has given me some very interesting reading, and a lot of half-nonsense ones.

That said, this is a deck that I like. I like having it in my collection, I like shuffling it and laying the beautiful cards on the table. I like the colors, and I have fun trying to do nice readings with it. I believe that this deck will appeal more to those who enjoying trying out new methods of reading, and to those who are not put off by parlor-game-like/astrology-heavy meanings. I don't really see the Titania's Star Tarot becoming the primary deck of any serious reader, despite its appealing design.

Titania's Star Tarot © Quadrille Publishing Ltd

Tolerance, Serving, Charity - but how?

2011-08-20T23:33:00.002-03:00

I slept in today... woke up around - gasp! - 12 pm, much later than my usual 7 am time. I confess that I hate to wake up so early during the week. I am a night person, and I have always been one... my energy resonates with the dark veil of the night, the silence and the stillness. My creativity follows the pull of the moon more than that of the sun. So my work schedule is a bit disruptive to my inner cycles.

Still, I wish to find balance in the situation I am in. If I cannot live the way I want yet, I may find a good way to live inside my current possibilities.

I decided to ask the Oracle of the Grail Code for help. What I have is not simply the feeling that no matter what I do, I cannot change my life... it's an impression that I won't get anywhere, even if I do change everything. It's a deep-rooted feeling of incompetence, of not being skilled enough to handle life. So I asked: how can I overcome this feeling of powerlessness that I have?

The first card (on the left), Tolerance, is about what is lacking in my life right now. As much as I hate to admit it, I think it is true... I am often intolerant to myself, and end up being intolerant towards others because of the constant strain. Everything stresses me, specially when things don't go as I expected them to... and people stress me, because they are unpredictable. So it's a trait I need to develop, both for me and for the people I love.

The second card (on the right), Serving, is about what I need most. "Serving"... hum... I think this card is gently telling me to quit this spiritual navel-gazing I have been living in. I mostly use my skills for myself, perhaps it is time to offer them to others too. It's interesting, because in my view I think I dedicate too much time to 'others' (that is, to my job), but this card relates to the 'serving' that is fulfilling for both the giver and receiver. My job certainly does not qualify for this description. I believe the 'service' shown by the card is more spontaneous, and involves more natural skills.

The third card (in the center), Charity, is the one that confused me a bit. It's about what needs to be done now. It emphasizes the message of both cards, by telling me to acquire a broader and more accepting vision of people, and by suggesting that I be of service to others in a sincere way.

These cards are beautiful, but I was left wondering what do I have to offer to the world after all? I barely know what I want from life, or from myself, so how can I give this pile of doubts to others?

"What can I offer to others?" - that's what I asked to the Hanson-Roberts Tarot, a little deck that has fallen out-of-favor in the tarot community during the last few years.

I do not know exactly what these cards are telling me. The High Priestess in the middle suggests that it is related to the spiritual knowledge I have been gaining over the years. It also suggests studying the more 'secret' side of life - the psychological, the spiritual, the 'unseen'. The Queen of Cups gives me the idea of counseling/guiding and of lending a caring ear to others. But the 7 of Swords... I confess I have to meditate on it a bit.

I wonder if the High Priestess with Queen of Cups could suggest studying/working with psychology... for some reason, I got this impression. But the 7 of Sword still puzzles me.

Oracle of the Grail Code © Barnes & Noble & Amy Sophia Marashinsky
Hanson-Roberts Tarot © US Games Systems, Inc.

ONIM ~ The Time Guardian

2011-08-15T21:46:00.003-03:00

I had a very tiring start to the week. It seems that 2 days of weekend are no longer enough for me to rest. And that's why the Time Guardian came to me.

He is the Dragonfae who controls time itself. No, control is a bad word - he understands time. The understands how it is malleable, despite the rigidity of the clock. Clocks organize time, but they don't really measure it, because time can change speed, it can appear to go fast or slowly depending on what you are living.

He invites all seekers to understand the power of time, to call the Time Guardian to make time suit your needs, and not make you slave of the clock.

So beautiful, eh?

And here comes the nasty part of the post - as right as the Time Guardian is about throwing your watch away and enjoying the natural time, and aligning yourself with the cycles of nature... how do you do that?

I confess I am a bit miffed at the Dragonfaes, because I feel like they keep urging me to do something, but don't say what it is. Okay, I realize that the bright white artificial light of my workplace is hurting my eyes badly (I'm photophobic). I realize that the lack of sunlight and pure air is probably not doing me very good. I realize I am not developing my full potential.

But what do I do about this? Quit my job and then... what? Stay at home honoring the cycles of nature while someone else pays my bills? Move into the middle of the forest and live as hermit in a cave? As much as we need to respect our nature, we must also live in the real world. Tough balance it seems.

For three weeks the Dragonfae have been urging me to be brave, to reconnect with nature, to stop being a slave of the clock-in-clock-out and free my inner me. But my inner me actually needs my outer me to feed it, dress it, clean it and even to adore nature. And I happen to like a paycheck (although I would not like to limit my life to getting one, if possible).

I feel like I'm being hurried to do something, but I have no idea what it is. Give it all up? Isolate myself at the top of the mountain? Live as a beggar to have a taste of a Franciscan life? Close my mind to all this and dedicate myself fully to my job and pray at the altar of the Material God? Go Tibet and release the material delusion? What is it!?

Pray tell, Spirit, what do you want from me?
I must be obtuse, 'cause I can't figure it out on my own.

Not a pretty post, I know. I am just allowing myself to be annoyed, and to confess that I don't understand what I am being told by whatever superior force, be it internal or external to me, that guides us in this life. And somewhere in the back of my mind, I remember a quote from one of my favorite movies ever, The Last Samurai: [to see the quote, go to minute 4:13 of the video]

Algren: [ shouting] What do you want from me?
Katsumoto: What do you want for yourself?

The one million dollars question...

Oracle of the Dragonfae © Blue Angel Gallery

Colette Baron-Reid's 7-Card Spread

2011-08-14T16:29:00.002-03:00

Colette Baron-Reid is an intuitive counselor, and has created two oracle decks that I really like: The Wisdom of the Hidden Realms and the Wisdom of Avalon. The WHR has been a faithful companion for a while, and the WA is the newest member of my divination family. Both decks come with fairly complete companion booklets, but the spreads taught in them are very very basic.

Thankfully, Colette herself decided to teach us a new 7-card spread in one of her videos. She says the spread is meant to be used for relationship readings, but in my experience it's a good spread for any kind of question. This particular spread has given me eerily accurate readings, and I thought it could be useful to other card-readers.

Enjoy!

1. Past influences - what made the situation what it is now.

2. Present - the current state of the situation, or the querent's current state of mind.

3. Short-term future - the next development, what the querent will face soon.

4. The obstacle - what is hindering the situation (sometimes this position shows that there are no obstacles at all!).

5. The others - how the other person sees the situation OR external influences that are affecting the situation.

6. The best course of action - what is the best thing you can do now in regard to this situation.

7. The probable outcome - the probably outcome if you follow the advice given in card #6.

Wisdom of Avalon Oracle Cards © Colette Baron-Reid

Review: Russian Gypsy Fortune Telling Cards by Svetlana Touchkoff

2011-08-13T21:50:00.011-03:00

There are many decks that have the word "gypsy" somewhere in their name. You have the Zigeuner Wahrsagekarten ('Zigeuner' means "Gypsy"), the Gypsy Fortune Telling Playing Cards, the Gypsy Fortunes, the Gypsy Bijou deck... and the list only grows, year after year. However, few decks manage to be as interesting - and as unique - as the Russian Gypsy Fortune Telling Cards.

This is one of the treasures I brought from Canada, and it was found in a small esoteric shop in Richmond, in my last day. I can't tell you how many times I almost bought this set from Amazon or eBay, only to give up in the last moment. But the deck still found its way to me.

Created by Svetlana Alexandrovna Touchkoff, the Russian Gypsy Fortune Telling Cards includes a 182 pages hardcover book and a deck of 25 cards. Both come in a sturdy and beautiful slipcase. The cards are squarish, and have one particular characteristic: none of them contains a complete picture.

What?

Yes, that's the deck's most unique and fascinating feature. Each of the 50 pictures of the deck has been split in half, and each card has four different half-scenes. The way to read is simple: you lay down all the cards in 5 rows or 5 cards and see which images become 'whole'. You cannot move the cards from their original position, you can only rotate them to find any matching halves. And you will only read the images that get formed.

Trust me, it's much less complicated than it sounds, and the book explains this method in detail. It's a fun "puzzle" and even some sitters get engaged in finding the images. You don't read the cards, but the pictures, and the meanings gain different nuances depending on which direction the picture is facing.

The cards have very vibrant and rich colors, and the drawings have a gorgeous Russian lacquer box style to them. Their squarish shape and size (10 x 10 cm) make them very easy to handle, but the cardstock is a bit flimsy, and doesn't seem to withstand a lot of rough shuffling. I confess I always feel a bit weary of letting others shuffle it, something very unusual to me. I suppose that I'll have to use it more to see if the cardstock will hold up over time.

The pictures formed by the cards remind me of the Lenormand decks. There are images like Cavalier, Snake, Scythe, Mountains, Dog, Fox, Bear, Birds, Ring, Letter, Mice etc., all which are present in the Petit Jeu Lenormand. And the meanings given to these symbols are very similar as well. But you also have different pictures, like Handshake, Apple, Rooster, Crayfish, Demons, Angel, Bread, Castle, Forest, Firewood and others.

The book is very complete, and is written in a Russian folk-ish style that is enthralling. In Part I, Svetlana Touchkoff explains the origins of the cards, her family tradition of using them and how to do a reading for yourself and for others. She also gives some "rules" and "do and don'ts" in card-reading, according to her family tradition. In Part II, she dedicates 2 pages to explain the meanings of every card in a very detailed manner. As I said before, the cards meaning become more positive or negative according to the direction in which they are facing. The cards were designed to have four positions in a spread:

Position 1: Card is facing towards the reader - strongest and/or most positive meaning.
Position 2: Card is facing to the right - weaker meaning, but still good.
Position 3: Card is facing to the left - slightly negative meaning.
Position 4: Card is facing away from the reader - most negative meaning.

Svetlana also explains the general symbol of the card and its period of influence (immediate, short, middle and lifelong). Although each card has a central idea to it, the truth is that they can have four very distinctive meanings, thus the book becomes an essential companion in the beginning. This is not a deck that you can read straight out of the box, in my opinion -- at least not without the book.

In Part III the author gives many examples of readings. They are helpful as a way to see the cards being used by their creator, but sometimes she makes connection between the cards and derives interpretations from them that are not so obvious. Her examples often leave me wondering "where did she get this from?". I wish there was more explanation on how Svetlana connects the meanings of the cards to create one concise story.

Honestly, I do not consider this a fault of any sort. The Russian Gypsy Fortune Telling Cards is still a fascinating deck, and one of the best I have seen in a long time. It has a comprehensive book, a good and solid method, beautiful cards and it works. Yes, it works. I have used it any times now, and the more I used, the more captivated I am. I have received accurate readings, with interesting and unexpected advices and warnings.

Like any complex method such as the Playing Card Oracles, the Lenormand, the Pages of Shustah or even Tarot itself, it is a deck that requires study and dedication to be mastered. You can easily use it with the book, but I am sure that these cards really shine when you begin to truly understand their language.

Destroying illusions or destructive illusions?

2011-08-10T22:28:00.005-03:00

Finally, a sunny day. A wonderful opportunity to sit outside and have fun with playing cards. That's exactly what I did during my lunch break today. No questions, no reading. I was just telling little stories with them, because for me it's a good way to connect with the cards and calm my mind.

Then, in one of my stories, I drew two cards.
First the 5 of Hearts. Then the 7 of Swords.
Hum... interesting.

The 5♥ is called Fata Morgana, a card of illusions and deceit, and the 7♠ is the Sword of Destruction.

At first the meaning of this combination seemed very obvious to me - the Sword of Destruction was "destroying" the illusions cast by Fata Morgana. Duh.

But as I gave it more thought, I began to wonder if the cards were not talking about a destructive illusion instead. Since Hearts & Swords (Water & Earth, respectively) are complementary suits, I suppose these two cards would add to each other's meanings, and not contradict each other. In fact I think Morgana would be positively thrilled to play with the Sword of Destruction!

So, the elemental combination made me rethink my first interpretation.

But if the Sword of Destruction will not destroy the illusions cast by Fata Morgana, who will?

I ask you: which is the most effective way to kill a bit of water? (A bit, because the 5♥ is a low number)

With fire. Right?
And in the playing cards, fire is represented by the Diamond suit.

So, the real "enemy" of the 5♥ is actually the 7♦ - the bold and brave Sword of Truth.

I love when the cards themselves teach me something new!
Watching them interact on the table is SO fascinating.

ONIM ~ The Green Lady of Y Ddraig Goch

2011-08-08T23:41:00.001-03:00

I confess that this royal but intimidating lady pointing at me did not make me feel very comfortable. And the message she brings... still escapes me a bit. She's is the protector of the forests and the Healer of Gaia. She governs the health of all creatures, small or big, beautiful or strange, because she knows it is all a part of the same nature. We are all connected - when the world suffers, we suffer.

In the current state of unbalance our world is, the Green Lady has been certainly overworking herself! So much to heal! So this card means that she is asking my help - asking me to do my part, and help this world too.

I confess that I do not know what to do about this, or why this message appeared to me right in this moment. Perhaps it is telling me that I have been disconnected from nature - which is true, considering I work from 8:30 am to 6:30 pm, that leaves me little time to enjoy the green. It's been raining for the last two weeks nearly non-stop, so the opportunities to enjoy the sun and the air have not been many. And when it's not raining, it's absurdly cold, which is not an inviting weather for tree hugging activities.

Okay, perhaps I'm just full of excuses! And the Green Lady's unwavering gaze embarrasses me a bit. She sees right into my soul.

One of the ways to work with the Green Lady is to connect to the trees... which is something I have not done in ages. I think my routine is really taking me away from some basic connection that most of humans around me ignore, but that matter for me. Fresh air. Sunlight. Even some rain drops. I've been fighting against the elements because they make my routine more complicated... but that means that I am becoming influenced by the illusion of separation.

And indeed, I am becoming separated, day after day. Separated from nature - and from my own nature. The Green Lady beckons me... will I have the courage to follow?

I suppose that my "task" for this week is to try to find more ways to connect with nature, even if for some minutes during my break.

Sometimes I wish I had the courage to just break my routine and fly with the wind. Say "screw it" to this tight little box of a reality that society offers us and calls "life" . Certainly it'd be one of the very few victories in my ongoing battle against my own neurosis. And I am certain that the Green Lady would approve!

But will I ever have the courage?
This question is my personal Sphinx. If I don't decipher it, it will devour me...

Oracle of the Dragonfae © Blue Angel Gallery

Video: How to connect the cards in a reading

2011-08-05T23:45:00.001-03:00

Hi everyone!

I just want to share what I consider to be one of the best videos ever made by Ana Cortez! In this video, she gives advices on how to 'connect' the cards in a reading in order to create a cohesive message for the querent.

In my opinion, this is one of the most difficult arts to master in divination. One thing is to understand the message of the individual parts; another is to turn these different parts into one story. I confess I still have a lot of problem with this, even after many years of reading cards.

But Ana also talks about the importance of not reading too often for yourself, because this can drain you. I experienced a big divination burnout in the beginning of this year due to this... I was using the cards too often to handle my own issues, and in the end I was tired and confused and not any wiser. I found it amazing that she mentioned this, because beginners tend to only read for themselves... it's a good way to start practicing, but we should make the conscious effort to not limit our practice to ourselves.

She also mentions the importance of knowing well your system in order to work with the cards naturally. I have talked about something similar in my post about my views on Intuition and how it works. You have to know your tool well to work with it intuitively. And I know that every day I learn something new about this awesome oracle called the Playing Cards!

Below is the video! I recommend it to all card-readers, even if you don't use Playing Cards.

Interview with the Voyager Tarot

2011-08-04T18:21:00.002-03:00

...yes, I like interviewing decks! Specially decks that I don't really like, but that for some reason, attract me. One of these decks is the Voyager Tarot, created in 1984 by James Wanless and Ken Knutson (the artist). I don't like decks with busy immagery and ridiculously big cards, and the Voyager Tarot happens to have both characteristics. But ever since a worn copy of this deck arrived on my doorstep, I could not ignore its calling...

I tried a couple of readings with it, and it reads surprisingly well. So I decided to interview it.

1. Tell me about yourself. What is your most important characteristic? ~ XVII - Moon

I work with images that come from the unsconscious. My language is the language of the dreams. I'm half-mystic, half-mad. I am a reflective deck more than a predictive one.

2. What are your strengths as a tarot deck? ~ Woman of Cups [Rejoice]

I celebrate life and diversity. I allow the message to be felt and understood in many different ways, through many different symbols. I am receptive to any kind of question.

3. What are your limits as a tarot deck? ~ 5 of Crystals [Negativity]

I can be disturbing, specially for those with a perfectionist nature. I'll disturb your inner critic, yes. My chaotic appearance will make you feel lost many times, and may cause you to give up on working with me.

4. What are you here to teach us? ~ 8 of Wands [Harmony]

I will help you to see harmony in chaos. Although my symbols may not make sense at first, if you work with me I'll help you to see and understand their patterns. You'll find your way through what appears to be just chaotic images.

5. How can we best learn from and collaborate with you? ~ 3 of Wands [Compassion]

Use me in reading done for a good purpose. Readings that help you (and others) to grow and heal, because I am a very good deck for such things! Do not let you inner critic judge me before you try working with me.

6. What is the potential outcome of our working relationship? ~ 6 of Cups [Sorrow]

Perhaps I will disappoint you for not having a direct language like other decks. But I may end up becoming a tool for both healing and catharsis for you. We will become good partners for exploring the unconscious and working with negative emotions.

Voyager Tarot © James Wanless

ONIM ~ The Blue Lady

2011-08-01T21:37:00.011-03:00

"Nothing is impossible. Nothing. Those who tell you now that what you wish for, that what you earn for, that the road you take is too hard, too difficult, too challenging... that it is not for you, for yours is not the adventure of the dream, yours is of compromise and slow heartbreak... I am here to tell you they are wrong." (p.143)

This is how the message of this brave and talented Dragonfae begins. She tells you that whatever is your dream, it is possible to some degree, if only you are willing to fight for it. Stay strong, stay true. Fight against the crystallized vision society imposes on everyone, so they will not shine, so they'll stay trapped...

But she also poses a question. "What do you want?" Possible or impossible, it's important to know where you want to go. And that's where my problem lies... what do I want? How can I follow my own voice, if my goals remain so elusive, even to myself?

This card reminded me of the post my dear friend Shaheen made about the 9 of Hearts. In it he shares a bit of his story, telling how he followed his dreams in spite of the naysayers. He asked his dreams to unfold before him, with him. He has the essence of The Blue Lady within him, and I admire that so much! I long for this courage - and for this vision.

The Blue Lady startled me with her message today. While I read it, I felt like a strong wind was blowing against my face, and I had to struggle to keep my balance. It was like a huge gust of fresh air, making me lightheaded. I still don't know what to make of it. It tells me that I can - and that I should - follow my dreams. But which are my dreams?

This is the basic burning question. The source of all unease. What do I want? At first The Blue Lady's message seemed misplaced... how am I going to follow my dream if I don't know it yet? Apparently, her message did not connect to my reality.

But in a moment of quietness I realized that perhaps what feels impossible to me right now is exactly that: finding my way, finding my truth. And the Blue Lady is saying: "You'll find it. You will find your own voice. But you have to be brave." This week I will try to add a bit more or my personal truth to my days. I haven't been true to myself in such a long time that I no longer recognize my own voice and dreams. Where am I in all this mess?

I confess I still don't know what to do...

"Understand that you are the being who must make the decision about your path: no matter how caught up and bound you feel you are, there is always a way to be truly free." (p. 145)

Oracle of the Dragonfae © Blue Angel Gallery

And what have I learnt...

2011-07-31T17:58:00.003-03:00

It is a bit difficult for me to write about what have I learnt this week, with the sudden trip to the conference. I still don't know exactly what my lesson was, but I am happy I did not miss this opportunity... as scary as it was at first!

The King of Clubs, Sol, and the 3 of Diamonds were the two cards that helped me to decide whether to go or not. They appeared in the Head and Throat positions of the Present Spread, respectively. I did not meditate about their meanings, but for some reason they screamed "YES!" to me. "Go Marina, go!"

And I went. Veni, vidi, vici!

Now I think about what these cards were telling me, and what lesson have I learnt. Sol is an eternal student, a master of many subjects, but specially someone whose curiosity is never sated. Alone, all by himself, he is cold and still, like the stale air of an old library. Full of knowledge but without any use to it.

And then comes the fire, in the 3 of Diamonds. A growing fire, the one that make things change and manifest, as in a chemical reaction. The 3 of Diamonds was like a Bunsen burner, heating the little dish in which Sol rested, making his molecules move faster and faster and faster... making him rise.

For over an year, I have been exercising my mind in my work, but without any passion. I just did what I was supposed to do, with no real involvement. I didn't consider what I do really important, and I didn't think that the good results we are having had anything to do with me. Going to this conference gave me a new view... although I still don't think this work is my vocation (my true calling, so to speak), I began to find it more interesting because it's the start of a new era, and everyone is a bit lost. Digital Books are novelty for 90% of the publishing houses and bookstores in 90% of countries worldwide. It's a time of chaos and creation!

I realized that they need new minds to make this work. Whoever finds the most simple and most functional way of making ebooks will dictate the next steps. This opportunity... this new market... is symbolized by the 3 of Diamonds. It is the fire that is warming up the market, that is burning the chairs of all those who refuse to get up and do something. And for the first time, it came to me that even if this job is not my true calling, perhaps I have a reason to be here. Perhaps my contribution is needed in ways I cannot foresee.

This conference helped me to test my courage and my ability to react to the unexpected; and it also helped me to test my knowledge. I realized that I know much more about ebooks than I believed. I realized that I may have something to offer to the market, or at least to the company in which I work, even if I don't stay there forever. I can use it to my personal growth.

Ana Cortez said in her book about the PCO that we should picture the suit signs in the 3s as the rungs of a vertical ladder. For the first time, the idea makes complete sense to me. I feel like my mind has been challenged for the first time in a long tme - it's the calling of the 3 of Diamonds, agitating Sol's cold intellect.

The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

ONIM ~ The Sovereign

2011-07-25T09:13:00.009-03:00

I remember that when I first received the Oracle of the Dragonfae, this was the first card I drew. I could make neither head nor tail of it, and so I put the deck in a bag and forgot about it until Fernia called me back. Now The Sovereign came to me again, to be my guide and friend this week. Now I was ready to understand her and her message.

Having recovered almost completely from my health problems, now I think I need to really build some inner strength. Specially to face the unexpected situation that has come to me last Friday - the sudden travel to another city, to attend to a conference about digital books. My adventure begins today, at 5 pm.

The Sovereign is all about using your influence is the best way possible. Is about recognizing the power that has been placed on your hands and using it with responsibility, grace and integrity.

I have kind of blammed my superiors for putting me in this situation (as I don't deal very well with sudden changes), but The Sovereign gently tells me that we are the creators of our path, and that if this challenge was really too much for me, it wouldn't have appeared to me. Or maybe I wouldn't have accepted it. But I did because deep inside I know that I can do it.

This dragonfae queen asks me to see this opportunity as a demonstration of how much I have grown in my job - even though I don't consider it my real vocation. My co-workers and superiors are showing how much they trust me, and how important they think my work in the company is. I have been seeing my role at work as of little importance, because I do not plan to stay there forever. The Sovereign asks me to take care of what is mine and value it!

She also advises me to open my mind to what is coming in this conference, because nothing is so insignificant that it cannot teach me something new. This power has been given to me after a lot of work, so I must use it well, in order to keep growing. I must use what I learn to help myself and the people who work with me. The Sovereign tells me to always bear myself with dignity and courage, no matter the situation - this way others will respect me, and I will respect myself too.

Oracle of the Dragonfae copyright © Blue Angel Gallery

A quick reading with the Bright Idea Deck

2011-07-24T19:13:00.001-03:00

"The Bright Idea Deck", created by Mark McElroy and illustrated by Eric Hotz, is one of my favorite tarot decks ever. I just find it brilliant the way the creators turned old, archetypical images into modern concepts and situations.

A friend of mine is trying to change his habits... he wants to eat in a healthier way and exercise more. Today he was actively seeking ways to start putting his plan in practice. He's the kind of person who starts new things very easily but has a hard time finishing them. So I offered a reading to see the most likely outcome of his new "diet".

The first card, Intervention, is the equivalent to the King of Pentacles. It's a card of actively intervening in the situations, in order to make them right. It's a card that denotes responsibility, including over other people's behavior. But for me, this card had an interesting meaning: I think my friend has been eating more than he needs, just like the little boy is having two ice-creams when he only needs one. My friend will have to step in and consciously limit his food intake.

The second (Acquisition/10 of Pentacles) card says that the process will not be so easy. Many times he will feel like he is working a lot (specially since he plans to increase his exercise), and not getting enough to sustain him. Just like the guy in the card, who is pulling a cart full of stuff, and having a carrot hanging in front of him to "inspire" him. He may feel physically tired during the first days until his body adapts to the new routine.

The third card (Achievement/6 of Wands) promises a small victory. I think that if he really works hard and keeps his discipline, he will get good results. Of course, this victory will not be final - he will have to keep working in order to maintain it. However, I think the change is going to be so significant that even other people will notice, which will be very good for his self-esteem!

Bright Idea Deck © Llewellyn Worldwide & Eric Hotz

The Lady of Lightning never sleeps on duty

2011-07-22T18:37:00.002-03:00

I don't really like when cards pay me visits too often. It usually means that I have not being paying attention/working on their message... or that something wicked this way comes.

I used the Wisdom of the Hidden Realms for some readings this week... usually one card readings, asking general information/advice about my life. They were not the same as my ONIM readings. I consider my ONIM reading my "stepping stones" towards self-knowledge and self-improvement. The purpose of the readings with the WHR was just... information.

And The Lady of Lightning appeared to me in EVERY reading. In every single time I used the Wisdom of the Hidden Realms this week, she found a way to sneak into my reading and make her message known.

Now, I am not unnerved by lightnings, and it's been a while since The Tower card made me shake in my boots. I understand that cards tend to adopt 'smaller' meanings when referring to 'smaller' facts, and the readings I was doing with the WHR were a bit prosaic in their intention. So while the constant appearance of the Lady of Lightning puzzled me, I did not expect anything huge to happen. Perhaps in the long run... not in my current run-of-the-mill life.

And then it happened.

Today my co-worker came to talk to me... I was afraid I had done something wrong and began to prepare myself for the blow. But no - there was nothing wrong. She just wanted to tell me that next week there will be an international conference about digital books, which is my area of speciality at work. It'll happen in another city and will have a lot of interesting lectures about the subject.

Before my mind could understand the avalanche of information, she asked me: "do you want to go?"

Needless to say that I was in shock when she asked me. I knew it was a unique opportunity for me, but I also don't deal very well with unexpected situations - I'm the queen of the neurotic planning. Oh well. I said yes without much conviction, and excused myself to the restroom. I took my PCO with me, obviously. I needed to think and take a deep breathe. I did a quick reading.

When I emerged from my impromptu refuge, I was calm enough to say the four magic words: "yes, I will go". Now, for sure. Am I nervous? Absolutely. But I think it can be rewarding experience. Instead of seeing it as an unexpected problem, I am trying to see is as an opportunity to test my inner resources and learn ways to thrive outside my zone of comfort.

The company will pay everything. The flying tickets, the hotel and the inscription. I'll leave on Monday (July 25th) afternoon and return on Thursday (July 28th) morning and come to work normally. The conference will last for two full days, from 8:00 am to 6:30 pm. I'm not sure if I'll be able to update the blog in these days, but we will see.

The Lady of Lightning came to me, and her message was true. I could not understand what exactly she was talking about, only that something was coming. I have been so immersed in my own emotional issues lately that I thought nothing related to the practical world could make any difference... tsk tsk. The big thing about the unexpected is not simply that you don't know what it'll bring - you also don't know how it will hit you.

Wisdom of the Hidden Realms © Jena DellaGrottaglia & Hay House, Inc.

The Arrow of Truth

2011-07-20T20:41:00.003-03:00

The Truth.

When people look for card-readers, that's usually what they are after. An answer to a question, a missing piece of information, a future development - and always the truth. But sometimes, delivering the truth is more difficult than it seems.

I have confess that, in my experience, 100% positive readings are rare. Almost all readings, even good ones, have a catch. There's something you must change... something you must let go of... something you must do in order to reap the rewards. But if the general feeling of the reading is in accordance to the querent's wishes, it's much easier to talk about the small stumbling blocks.

Handling the arrow of the truth becomes difficult when the reading is not what the querent wants. Nobody likes a no!, no matter how prepared they think they are to receive it. And if the querent is certain that the answer will be a double yes!, then the task becomes even harder. Furthermore, there are times in which people think that they want the truth, nothing but the truth... but when the truth is shown, they close their eyes. As readers we cannot force them to accept the message - but we still have to find a way to deliver it.

So... how to shoot the arrow of truth without stomping on the querent's heart with hobnail boots?

Some readers don't care much about this. Their style is 'blunt', and they deliver the message as it comes. I know that some people don't mind this, and some even appreciate the sincerity. But being a very sensitive person myself, I know I could not endure this in a moment of vulnerability - and I know that many querents ask for readings in difficult times, when they are feeling hurt, weak and frail. So I try to put myself in their shoes before saying that "it's so bloody OBVIOUS that he doesn't care about you anymore!". Nothing is obvious when emotions are involved.

I am not implying that a reader should lie to the sitter - never! You can be fully honest, and still be considerate. I go against the idea that card readers should go around pushing 'reality checks' down everybody's throat. I think that whenever we have to shoot the arrow of truth, we must dip the tip in a bowl of honey.

So you sugarcoat the message, eh? No. Sugarcoating means meaking something appear better than it is. Being tactful means delivering the message in a way that the other can receive it. I want my querents to understand the message and use it in an empowering way, even if it's apparently negative. I don't want them to be traumatized by it. I think that a harsh slap across the face is just as unhelpful as a lie.

Brutal honesty should be used as a final measure, for very troublesome querents. And if things became this bad, I'd reconsider my ability to help this person, and would probably refer them to another reader. We don't have to lose our sanity because of rowdy sitters.

There's no recipe, and eventually every reader find his or her own way to deliver the more 'negative' readings. When confronted with this problem, I try to remeber how I'd like to receive a similar message. My inner answer usually is: in a compassionate, honest and encouraging way. In a way that does not make me feel silly or exposed. In a way that helps me to see both the light and the shadows of my situation. And that's what I try to convey to my sitters.

I know that sometimes I'm not successful, because I am human and I have bad days too! But I think it's important to keep exercising our kindness when shooting the arrow of truth through the heart of the others. You don't have to be brutal to be honest.

"Feelings are everywhere -- be gentle." (J. Masai)

ONIM ~ Morgan le Fey (2)

2011-07-18T23:27:00.002-03:00

I don't think I am surprised to see dearest Morgan le Fey again this week. She paid me a visit a couple of weeks ago, bringing her healing message... to which (I am ashamed to say) I did not pay much heed. After the weekend I had, "Healing" is becoming a need, not an option.

It is the first repeat card of the year! I have discussed a bit of her symbolism in my July 6th 2011 post.

Like I said in my previous post, I spend the entire Saturday with a moderate fever, and horrible cramps. Sunday came, the fever was gone, but the cramps remained, making my parents think that perhaps I was having appendicitis. Today I feel no pain, but since I did not rest during the weekend, I did not have a good Monday. It gave the "Oh No It's Monday!" expression a whole new meaning...

Morgan keeps urging me to heal... She says:

"You are whole, perfect and complete. [...] You are never alone. And I will always be at your side, whenever you need me. You are orphan, outcast, wanderer no more."

This is interesting for me. I honestly feel like I have pieces of me scattered everywhere. I am surprised I can stand up. Every different illness took a piece of my health, of my peace of mind, of my energy, of my passion. My current state of disorientation makes me feel as if I was losing parts as I walk. A piece of myself goes to my job, another piece goes to my loves, and another goes to... and I feel exhausted. It's no wonder I've been acting downright antisocial. I feel that any extra social contact will strip me naked.

I honestly don't know yet what to do to keep the pieces from falling, or to glue back the ones that are missing. I feel a bit like Sabina, the main character of Anaïs Nin's "A Spy in the House of Love".

"All the small insincerities had seeped like invisible rivulets of acid and caused profound damages, the erosions had sent each fragment of Sabina rotating like separate pieces of colliding planets, into other spheres, yet not powerful enough to fly into space like a bird, not organic enough to become another life, to rotate on its own core.
[...] And all her seeking of fire to weld these fragments together, seeking in the furnace of delight a welding of fragments, into one total love, one total woman, had failed!"

Like her, my life is becoming full of small insincerities that are beginning to crack this pretty little mask. And I'm not sure if there's anything behind it. Like her, I've been looking in passion and dreams for the fire that will put it all together again, and make me whole. But it is just breaking me into smaller pieces.

I think Morgan's message is not just about the physical healing... it's about becoming whole again. But I don't know how to do it. I really don't.

And yet... sometimes, small moments of healing appear, making me think that one day all will be better. On Saturday, I felt very seek and very lonely. Noticing this, my mother allowed me to sleep in her bed, and told me: "you will never walk alone". It made the whole difference to me, and took me one step further in my physical healing. Next morning, the fever had broken.

Somewhere behind my eyelids, I could see Morgan le Fey smiling...

Oracle of the Dragonfae © Blue Angel Publishing

The Dis-ease Spread

2011-07-17T22:45:00.004-03:00

Dear friends,

If I tell you that I yesterday I spent the whole day with a 38.5ºC (101.3ºF) fever, you'll think that I am making up health problems to get attention. I swear this is not the case... the fact is that I've been having a series of minor health problems for the last six weeks . They are not serious, but they are bothersome and constant. And sort of unexplainable, as I have a rather healthy life style (at least as healthy as I can make it considering my life circumstances right now).

So I decided to look for a nice health-related spread to use, one that could help me to explore the nature of the disease, so I can get to its root instead of just palliating the symptoms. In my search, I found a very interesting spread called "The Dis-Ease Spread". It was taken from the book Power Tarot by Trish MacGregor & Phyllis Vega.

Check it out!

The Dis-ease Spread
..1....2......................
........3....4................
..............5....6..........
....................7....8....
1-2. The nature of stress or disease.
3-4. The cause of stress or disease.
5-6. Who or what can help.
7-8. The resolution or outcome.

I did a reading with my Herbal Tarot using it, and it was eerily accurate! I may post it here soon... I wanted to share it, because a health spread can always come in handy. Of course, any serious health concern should be taken to a doctor, not to a card-reader, but this particular spread is useful to explore the nature of diseases and stresses that can have a strong emotional/mental/spiritual root.

And obviously, even after doing a reading, I am still going to a doctor. Cards do not cure fevers and mysterious abdominal pain, lol!

Mystisches Kipper copyright © AGM Müller - Urania

Through the looking-glass - the Southern Hemisphere

2011-07-12T22:45:00.007-03:00

Helen's post "Christmas in July" inspired me to think a bit about the spirituality 'culture' and how it relates to (and sometimes, ignores) the Southern Hemisphere. Like her, I was shocked to read a reviewer of the Oracle of the Dragonfae accusing the "New Moon Fae" card of having a 'wrong moon' depicted.

Excuse me?

It is undeniable that most of the human race lives in the Northern Hemisphere, as it has much more land than the Southern Hemisphere. Also, the fact is that many Southern Hemisphere countries have been colonized by Northern nations, and ended up adopting their views, holidays and religions without discrimination. I believe this explains why the Northen Hemisphere view of certain natural events, like the moon phases and the seasons, tends to prevail.

But when it comes to some aspects of spirituality - specially for those who follow a nature-centered path - things are a bit more complicated. You are supposed to follow the rhythms of the Earth - and to do that according to the Southern Hemisphere, you have to adapt (or ignore) a huge portion of the spirituality literature that is available.

Most of books about paganism, tarot, divination, rituals, magic etc. have been written by Northern Hemisphere authors. That means that they offer you a Northern-centered perspective of how nature works - and basically leave half of the world out of the equation. This is understandable to some point. After all, most of the spiritual traditions that have spread worldwide and became popular nowadays have originated in the Northern Hemisphere. All magical attributions and observance of seasons are in accordance to their place of origin.

However.... I have read many books on all these subjects, and I have to confess that after a while, it became tiring to never see the rituals match my reality. In the end I had to alter so many little details in my practice for it to feel right, that I began to feel 'fake' for even trying to adapt the rituals. Clearly, those rituals were not made for me, or for the place in which I live.

That's when I stopped following books, and started following what is happening outside my window. I gave away all my dogmatic instruction books and began to celebrate the seasons as I saw them happening around me.

I do think that trying to see things from a Southern perspective while living in the Northern Hemisphere is a bit like walking into a mirror. A lot of things seem 'reversed'. But I think it'd be an interesting exercise for those who practice any form of spirituality to remember that the world is not a half-sphere. Honestly, it peeves me a bit to watch some people defend certain attributions (like the idea that North is unquestionably related to the element Earth) as universal rules determined by the deities, when they are not even true to the whole planet!

I don't intend to change our whole culture - I know we will keep celebrating Christmas on summer, even though it's originally a winter holiday. My intention is simply to remind the fellow pilgrims that not even the cycles we use to guide our lives and count our time are absolute. Cross a line, and you'll end up in the other side of the mirror, where everything seems backwards - but it's still correct.

I wish the teachers of the Earth-centered traditions would let go of their own dogma when spreading the word. That they would willingly put themselves in the position of the Hanged Man, and try to see things from a different point of view. This way they will not exclude practitioners from different backgrounds, and they will also educate those who share their reality.

Educate them, so that when they go through the looking-glass, they never look up in the sky and think that the moon is wrong...

Note: Here is a very interesting site for pagans, explaining how to cast a circle in the Southern Hemisphere, based on the movements of the Sun!

ONIM ~ Melusine

2011-07-11T23:02:00.007-03:00

I apologize for posting my ONIM reading so late in the day. The truth is that I'm sick again... it honestly feels like I never quite healed. Ever since I came back from Canada, I don't remember ever feeling truly well, physically speaking.

I cannot say that I really worked on Morgan Le Fey's message last week... I didn't know how to put the words into action, and exhausted the way I was (and still am) "Healing" seemed the most distant thing ever.

But enough whining. This week, my Dragonfae friend is Melusine, and her message is "Love who you are".

Again, a strong water presence... for those who don't know the story of Melusine, it is about a fairy from the forest who meets and falls in love with a king. He falls in love for her too, but she only accepts to marry him if he promises her he will always let her bathe alone. He agrees. But after a while, he gets curious about the secrecy of her bath, and decides to spy on her. To his surprise, he sees that during the shower Melusine assumes her real form - half-woman, half-dragon (some say she had tentacles... she is a water creature from the waist down). When she finds about his betrayal, she flies away from the castle, back to her home forest, and leaves him heartbroken...

This is not the story given by Lucy Cavendish in the companion booklet... it is the story I have learnt a long while ago, and it's the one I prefer. The essence is the same - it's the story of someone who was repelled because they showed their real self... including the "strange" parts, that we all have.

I confess I do not know what exactly Melusine is trying to show me, but I believe in a way it's a complement to Morgan Le Fey's message. I have not healed - in fact, I got worse - and perhaps this is related to my lack of care towards myself.

One of the Melusine's messages is "struggling to fit into an environment that only loves part of who you are" and it rings true to me somehow, specially concerning my work. It's not that anyone is aggressive or bad to me... but I never feel truly comfortable there. Everybody is very nice to me now, but when I first arrived, they treated me with coldness and even disdain. The memory stayed with me, and I've been wary of exposing myself. Very often, it's as if I had to hide my own dragon-tail in order to fit... it makes me feel a bit caged...

I just don't know yet how to act on Melusine's message... how to exercise this "self-love". She has a key close to her heart. She is giving me that key, but I don't see any doors around me right now...

Oracle of the Dragonfae © Blue Angel Publishing

Interview with the Herbal Tarot

2011-07-06T21:47:00.005-03:00

The Herbal Tarot... many times I considered buying this deck, only to change my mind in the last minute. But the friends you are meant to meet in this life always find a way to jump at you. My Herbal Tarot found me in a little metaphysical store, in Victoria, BC, Canada. It was an used copy, and looked like it had been there for a long time, waiting for someone...

I brought the Herbal Tarot home with me, and it surprised me! I was also lucky enough to find its companion book, "The Spirit of Herbs: A Guide to the Herbal Tarot", which is very OOP.

This deck really attracts me, so I decided to explore our potential together through an interview.

1. Tell me about yourself. What is your most important characteristic? ~ Five of Swords [Mistletoe]

I am a friend and a teacher for both the moments of happiness and sadness, victory and loss. When you reach the top, I'll remind you the importance of humbleness. When you are feeling down, I'll help you to rise again.

2. What are your strengths as a tarot deck? ~ Knight of Pentacles [Elecampane]

I'm a loyal companion - I can be used in any situation, for all kinds of questions. I am good with practical matters too, not just spiritual or emotional issues. I am close to earth and nature, and I can help you to connect to them. I also know the ways of natural healing, and I can teach them to you and guide you in your first steps.

3. What are your limits as a tarot deck? ~ 5 of Cups [Horsetail]

The fact that my imagery blends tarot and herb may be a source of distraction - it's easy to see only one side and forget the other, rendering the message incomplete. Also, you may have high expectations on me, and because of that I may let you down. Remember that I am just a tool, I do not create anything alone.

4. What are you here to teach us? ~ Page of Cups [Damiana]

I am here to bring a bit of water to the dry land of your life. I'll teach you about the importance of adventure, and of discovering new passions. This will enrich your life! I will introduce you to the art of healing... show you how to use your gifts and talents to heal and help those in need.

5. How can we best learn from and collaborate with you? ~ Six of Wands [Hawthorn]

Use me to pave the way towards your small victories, and to learn from your small losses. If you are lost, use me to help you to find your way again. If you are hurt, remember that I am a deck about healing plants - use me to increase your knowledge about herbalism, and let me part of your self-healing path.

6. What is the potential outcome of our working relationship? ~ Nine of Wands [Bayberry Bark]

In working with me, you'll feel a bit more balanced and grounded. Of course there will be conflicts, but you'll be more capable of dealing with them. You'll gain more knowledge (and a bit of self-awareness and inner calm), that will help you reassess your life. We have big chances of becoming partners that stick together through thick and thin!

Herbal Tarot copyright © US Games Systems, Inc.

ONIM ~ Morgan le Fey

2011-07-04T14:49:00.001-03:00

One week has passed already, and it's time for a new ONIM draw! I realize last week was a quiet one - I was absorbing Brigid's lessons, from the last ONIM. Surprisingly enough, that card made a huge difference for me... it made me realize a couple of things about my own behavior and communication patterns. I'll keep working on changing them for better.

New week, new card! And who is paying me a visit this week? Morgan le Fey herself, and her keyword is healing. I have read the Dragonfae's booklet twice, and I confess I'm still not completely sure about what Morgan is trying to tell me. She is the Dragonfae that helps you when you are feeling tired, unwell or run down by stress. All the three conditions apply to me.

She is the Dragonfae that defends your right to rest. Your right to have a safe heaven in which problems and demands are left outside, so you can recover. Maybe this week I have to call on Morgan Le Fey's energy to help me to rest a bit. She suggests that I share the burdens with someone I trust, and that I stay open to new friendships (something I seldom am).

I'll meditate on Morgan Le Fey, her image and her presence, in order to understand her message fully. I do wish I had a friend like her, in real life. The truth is that I have a hard time trusting people, let alone enough to 'share the burden'.

With Brigid I tried to lower the communication barriers I was putting between me and the others. I tried to listen more, and be less opinionated and sarcastic. I tried to refrain from giving unwelcome advice, when the other simply needed me to listen and understand. This week, I have to try to lower some emotional barriers (Morgan Le Fey's realm is water - the realm of emotion). Deal with my own lack of trust on others, and my belief that they cannot understand me, or simply don't care.

And I think I should try sleep better too. I have not been sleeping as much as I should -- the twin Grand Canyons under my eyes attest to that...

Oracle of the Dragonfae © Blue Angel Publishing

Horoscope spread ~ Helping a friend to decide

2011-07-02T22:20:00.003-03:00

I never had enough... courage?.... to use the Horoscope spread, although I have always admired readers who could use it. For me it is one of the few big spreads that really work, if you know how to use it.

Today a friend of mine sent me a message asking for a reading. Like me she is a deck collector, and she just found for sale a deck she wants very much. However, the deck is kinda expensive, because it is uncommon... she knows she should be saving money instead of spending it, but she fears she may lose the opportunity of getting it if she doesn't buy it now. She asked me for a reading because reading for herself wasn't helping.

I said I'd giving her a reading, if she agreed to be my Horoscope Spread guinea pig. And she did!

The question is: "is it wise for me to buy this deck right now?". Below is her reading.

The 1st House is related to the self, to the personality and the attitude of the querent. Here is is being represented by the 9♦, Gawain. Because it is a Diamond card, it tells me that she probably has the money to buy the deck she wants. But it also tells me something about her state of mind - she just can't stop thinking about the deck, and whether she should get it or not. I say that because Gawain always strikes me as being a stubborn type.

The 9♦ also reveals that she believe it is her 'duty' to get this deck. Perhaps she has been wanting it for a long time, or thinks that she, as a collector, has to have it.

To see whether if she has conditions to buy this deck, we need to look in the 2nd House. There we find the Q♠, Morgana. This confirms that she really has the money, but Morgana is about hidden things, so I believe that in order to buy this expensive deck she'll have to get the money that is hidden - not readily available. It immediately brought the "saving account" to my mind.

The 8th House is about hidden resources too, and there we have the 4♠, the North Wind, saying that her resources are stable, but not big so she should not abuse. Wait? Stable? But it's a wind card! Yep, but it also a four, which is a stable number. For me the winds in the fours are not about chaos (that comes with the 5s), but about constancy.

The 7th House tells us about the seller, and with the 6♥, it seems that the seller really hopes the deck will be going to a new, loving home. It says the transaction has big chances of going smoothly.

So, her situation is not so unstable that getting this deck would be a big problem for her. Of course, the amount of Spades in the reading shows that there is a desire to maintain what one has, to maintain stability. I think the conflict is shown well in the 12th House, in which we find the 2♠. There is no one telling her what she should or shouldn't do - only herself battling with her own ideas and desires.

I tried to find in this reading a card indicating if she would like the deck or not. I confess I do not know exactly where to place this yet, I feel split between the 7th House (that could also represent one's ideal of 'beauty'), and the 5th House (that is related to creative energies, entertainment and fun). The cards that are in both positions are good.

The 3♦ in 5th House suggest she may find this deck highly inspiring, and may be interested in working with instead of keeping it for collection purposes only. She'll feel like playing with these cards,

I placed a central card, asking for the most likely outcome of this conflict. The 8♥, the Garden, is a card of pleasure and giving into temptation. I'd say that although she has a big part of her pulling her towards stability and maintenance of her resources, she'll probably just give in and buy the deck.

My answer to her is that she's stable enough to spend money on the deck, although it means she'll have to use money that she was saving. The deck is going to be a nice addition to her collection, but she doesn't have to get it just because it's for sale. She needs to decide what is more important for her right now, and once she decides, she has to stop thinking about it.

I'm not sure if this reading was any helpful, but it was certainly an interesting exercise for me! :)

The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

ONIM ~ Brigid

2011-06-27T22:58:00.003-03:00

And Monday comes around!

My card for this week is Brigid. A very popular goddess among the Pagans, and a popular saint too among the Christians. She's goddess of the forge, birth, the home and hearth and also of the sacred wells. And she is also patroness of Helen's blog, My Wings of Desire.

I confess I never really thought about Brigid before, either as a goddess or as a saint. I just never considered her a part of my cultural inheritance... And yet here is she, telling me that we are all one.

As a goddess of birth, she assists those who are struggling to be born in one way or another, physically, spiritually or metaphorically. I do see myself as going through something similar, but after giving some thought, I decided that Brigid's message for me was focused on another aspect - the "we are one" thing.

We are all one. Hah! You telling this to this big individualist? Yes, Brigid is urging me to remember my connection to everything. Not just nature, but also others. Other people. As an introvert, I am very good at isolating myself. But the goddess tells ne that this week I should try to reach others a bit. It does not mean to expose myself to them, no. But accept them, listen to them, judge them a bit less harshly.

I know my tongue can be sharp, and that I'm terribly sarcastic, specially when peeved. Brigid reminds me that, as we are one, when I hurt someone unnecessarily with my anger or - why not? - contempt, I also hurt myself. Perhaps in consciously exercising my compassion, I will also become less angry and demeaning towards myself too. I know in myself that I genuinely care about others, but I'm not always good at showing this with actions. In my wish to teach and help, I end up trampling them.

I wish I had understood her message earlier today, because I nearly created a disagreement between me and a person I love over something very silly. I need to make my inner detonating fuse a bit longer, so the bomb will not go off at every little thing.

I found a nice advice in this site, about personality types. As a INFJ, I need to control my anger, and now Brigid is reinforcing this message.

"When You Get Angry, You Lose. Your passion and intensity are strong assets, but can be very harmful if you allow yourself to fall into the "Anger Trap". Remember that Anger is destructive to your personal relationships. Work through your anger before you impress it upon others, or you will likely find yourself alone. Disagreements and disappointments can only be handled effectively in a non-personal and dispassionate manner."

With Brigid's guidance, I'll try to find a bit of serenity in myself so I can reach for others in kinder ways. I will remember that in hurting them unnecessarily, I hurt myself too. I'll try to soften my biting remarks. I enjoy helping others, but I need to be more humble in order to do this properly.

I enjoy when the oracles remind me of ways to improve myself. It's not nice to be told that you doing something "bad", but it's necessary. I'm happy that Brigid came to me this week, and I'll do all I can to honor her message.

Oracle of the Dragonfae © Blue Angel Publishing

Focusing on details, missing the whole picture

2011-06-26T13:22:00.009-03:00

Oh yes. I have been doing it again. *sighs*

Yesterday I sat down, lighted a candle and focused. I was going to read for a friend who was absent at that moment, but who had requested the reading. I knew the question was important to her, and as I am very close to the situation, I tried to clear my own mind from any expectations. Just read the cards!, I told myself. And after shuffling my deck, I drew four cards and spread them in the Present Spread, as taught by Ana Cortez.

The question was "Will A. [my friend] and T. meet again before one year passes?".
(Note: A. and T. are living in different countries right now.)

As soon as I saw the cards, mind entered panic mode. Oh no, that Leo guy on the top again! I knew I had interpreted him wrongly in a past reading, in this very same position. To calm and quiet my mind, I did the Geomancy, and I got the following:

= +
judge = color witness + number witness
conjunctio = cauda draconis + laetita

That does not point to anything bad, but Cauda Draconis as the 2nd witness, tells me that there'll be some significant obstacles to be overcome, and difficult choices to be made, before the meeting can happen. Conjunctio, as the judge, is a very good figure for a meeting. But that did not help me to get any calmer.

I started pulling details together - no Spades, hum, that means lack of practical plans, and 10♣ in the "Foot" position could indicate instability at work. And that Leo. Leo... K♦... maybe he's part of the obstacle? Maybe he's A's boss? Maybe she'll be offered a job opportunity that will get in the way? And that 6♦ in "Torso", it shows a lonely and isolated heart, ugh, I think the answer is not because of money, I mean, you have 10♥, the only Heart card, surrounded by Diamonds... suffocated by money issues...

Argh, Marina! Shut the hell up!

Thank goodness I went out to have dinner with my friends, and forgot about the reading for a good while. When I can back home, after enjoying a long conversation with a good friend, I was tired by happier, and my mind felt more at peace. And suddenly... suddenly it came to me that I was not answering A's question!

No, I was getting caught up in the details, focusing on the small relationship between the cards, and missing the whole picture completely!

Geomancy was clear: what A. and T. have is happy and beautiful (Laetitia), but it will have to survive some very difficult obstacles and perhaps cut many ties (Cauda Draconis) in order to for the meeting to happen again (Conjunctio).

Lack of Spades, what does it mean? In the most simple way - lack of physical contact. That answers part of the question saying that probably they'll not have any physical contact before the year is over, for there are obstacles that still need to be overcome.

What does a combo ♦ + ♥ + ♦ mean? A lot of impulsive energy. The desire to meet is strong, it will remain strong, and Fortuna in the "Foot" position says that A. may even 'lose her stability', her roots because of this desire. But nothing points to a practical action towards meeting, so again I get the feeling that they'll not meet again before the year is over.

Also, fire and water do not mingle so well - the excessive passion and desire may sacrifice the most tender and deep emotions. Water needs more time than fire to get things done - if you hurry it, it may evaporate! Their love will have to survive a consuming, albeit lonely (as suggested by the 6♦), passion... or disappear.

Now, to the Leo guy. I admit he is a bit of a mystery, but I remember that Ana Cortez says that "his will is a team of mighty horses". A strong will is ruling everything. I assumed that this will belonged to someone else - but why can't it be their will? With Allegra combined with Leo, I sense a very strong wish to follow one's heart desire. A will powered by the heart.

And the 6♦ says that yes, the heart will be isolated and a bit alone for this year, because of this distance. But it'll also be protected, in a sense - protected from a reality that tells us that love is not worth fighting for. In a more practical sense, the two Diamonds cards tell me of someone saving financial resources for her plans to meet this other person again.

This tendency to focus on every little card as if they were important for the reading is something that came from my tarot practice. In tarot, I used to read each card separately, consider their individual meanings, and only in the end see the whole picture. But in playing cards that doesn't work so well - the atmosphere a created by all cards together is sometimes more important the the individual meaning of each card.

I need to exercise my own bird's-eye view when reading the cards. A lot of details is not synonym for an enlightening reading.

Of intention and card reading

2011-06-25T11:51:00.004-03:00

What is the power behind the cards? What power makes certain cards be chosen in an specific moment, fall into an specific position and deliver a message? I do not presume to know the answer to these question for sure, and I think that every card reader has his own personal answers to them.

I do believe that there's some special kind of energy behind every reading. It does not necessarily come from a higher power of any sort though - it comes from the reader and the querent. I call it "intention".

For me, intention is the desire to know something, to receive an answer. It is an ardent question, and the strongest and clearest it is, the more powerful the reading will be. It is what separates empty questions and real questions - and what separate dull readings from intense ones.

Intention is actually present in all aspects of life, not just divination. It can be translated in "what you really want". In times like ours, in which there is so much to want, and our focus changes constantly, it may be hard to feel that deep and intense wish for something. But we still have many moments like this. Like when we are in love, or like when we wish to accomplish one thing above all else. This guides us, guides our steps and our choices.

This is the same power that guides the cards, but in card reading, this intention is presented as a question. The real desire to know something will give the cards a strong vibration, and (if the reader is skilled) the cards will truly shine on the table. That's why when people don't really have a question, the reading is a bit boring. Because there was no real intention behind the question, no real desire to know, so the cards work with a weak vibration.

This for me explains many interesting happenings in the card reading practice. Like when you ask a question, but the cards relate to a completely different situation. You ask about your job, but they show you your family situation. You think that it's because you shuffled them wrong, or maybe they are messing with you head... but no. Sometimes, what we really want to know (where our intention is) is something completely different from what leaves our lips. We think we want to know about our job, but all our being, every cell, is worried about our family. Which intention do you think will prevail?

Another thing I saw happening a few times is when the querent asks a question, but actually does not want to know the answer. Of course they are usually unaware of this. They ask you for a reading because they think they want to know (or think they should know), but all their intention is focused on avoiding the answer. The cards will not work against this wish, and the reading will end up being rather insipid.

Sometimes, the cards will even make it clear that the querent is not ready to know the answer. They'll give you a very closed reading, with few insights. Needless to say, most of querents really don't like when this happens...

For me, the intention is behind all this. The cards will always work with your intention, and never against it. That's why it is so tricky to read for yourself about important matters, specially if you wish for an specific outcome. Your intention cannot focus on simply getting a sincere answer, and your capacity to interpret the reading with the necessary impartiality is usually reduced.

And that's also why daily readings tend to be weak readings. Because they usually lack intention. While useful for practice when you are starting off, after a while they stop being really insightful. But that is subject for a future post...

ONIM! ~ New Moon Fae

2011-06-20T21:43:00.009-03:00

Oh no.... it's Monday again!

And my card for this week is the New Moon Fae - and what a stubborn little faerie she is. Not only she was my card of the week a couple of weeks ago (before I started the ONIM), but now she keeps poppoing out of the deck whenever I am shuffling. When I get the deck out of the bag, she is often on the top of the other cards.

She is insisiting so much because her message is important. The first time she showed up for me, I thought her message was not only correct, but very obvious. But if she keeps appearing, it's because there's something I'm still missing...

The New Moon Fae comes to us in the moments we are feeling lost. Feeling like we don't belong where we are right now, like we are swimming against the current. Feeling like we have lost part of ourself and are not 'whole' enough to face the world. That often makes us feel abandoned... in fact, because we feel awkward and broken, we tend to isolate ourselves even more.

But the New Moon Fae does not tell us to go out and become Miss Social butterfly overnight. Quite the contrary. She says that we have to look inside ourselves, because there are parts of us we have been denying. We have lost touch with something important, and until we regain it, we will not be able to follow the path we are supposed to.

Her advice is to focus a bit on the inner world, and find ways to connect to the Spirit. It's an interesting message to me in many levels. Ever since I chose the agnostic path, I have not let myself believe in many things spiritual. But perhaps in this process, I have lost something that used to give me strength. I have forgotten how to pray, I no longer have room for magic & miracles inside me, I no longer believe that nature and the universe will provide. Perhaps my spirituality has become way too rigid - and so have I, in response.

Maybe my path does not have to include a deity, like many religions, but it does not have exclude the magic, the unexplainable. I am a card-reader, for goodness' sake!

This week, amongst other things, I need to suspend my disbelief a bit. Practice with my cards, light a candle, meditate, listen to my dreams... all things I have not allowed myself to do because they no longer had a place inside my "belief system". Focus a bit less on the earthly realm, and get in touch with that which is unseen.

Or according to the New Moon Fae herself:

You may be feeling abandoned at this time, or this time, or like a part of who you are is missing. It can also indicate that you have been experiencing a false belief that all others do not like or accept you. In truth, when this card is revealed, it is that New Moon Fae wishes to indicate that you do not like and accept yourself and that you may be choosing to hide from your own psychic ability and wild self, your spirit visions shrouded by denial.

Take yourself to a quiet place in nature and make a commitment to practise your meditations, your readings, your own techniques for connecting with spirit on a more regular basis, and particularly at the beginning of each lunar cycle. In this way you will learn to trust the part of your soul you have misplaced and in that trusted sanctuary, it can return to you. Remember, nothing is lost. And all that is truly yours shall return.

I'll do my best to follow the advice of this stubborn little Fae. She has not been following me around for nothing. I definitely have some work to do - inside me.

Oracle of the Dragonfae © Blue Angel Publishing

Review: Bird Cards - The Healing Power of the Bird Kingdom

2011-06-18T20:09:00.012-03:00

Today it is exactly one month since I came back from Canada. And boy, I have missed that country a lot! Not only I had the best time in my life there, but I also found three decks that unexpectedly became favorites. One of them is the Bird Cards: The Healing Power of the Bird Kingdom, by Jane Toerien and Joyce van Dobben.

I'm a huge bird lover, but that wouldn't make me love a deck about birds. I love cats too, and no deck featuring cat has ever got my attention. To be honest I never really cared for animal-only decks, as I enjoy a lot of "human factor" in my cards.

Well... it's good to have your beliefs challenged sometimes.

I found the Bird Cards in a very big second-hand bookstore in Victoria BC. My dearfriend Stephen took me there, and immediately dragged me to the tarot shelf... which sadly didn't have anything interesting to offer that week. But they had this deck, and after a whole day thinking, I decided to give it a chance. I'm glad I did.

The deck has 55 cards measuring 14 x 9cm (5,5 x 3,5 inches). A bit large, but still comfortable to shuffle. The cardstock is not bad, it feels like thick card paper without much (or any) plastic lamination. The feel of the cards is good, they slide between your hands easily, they are not sticky and they don't smell like chemicals. However, because they are a bit unprotected, bumps in the corners become noticeable after the first shuffles (specially in the back, because it is blue). And while the cards are not flimsy, I think that depending on how you shuffle them, they can bend or get marked.

The printing quality is very good. Joyce van Dobben used color pencils to illustrate the cards, and the result is at the same time soft and vivid. It's clear that she studied very well the anatomy of the birds - no children's scribbles here! I did not find any card that I disliked or that I'd have done differently. The artist admits to be a huge fan of rainbows, and indeed the cards are filled with them.

What I loved about the art is the way Joyce van Dobben managed to mix landscapes, birds and mystical symbols. All cards look like a door between the nature we can see and a mystical world. As a stone lover, she also included in the cards many different stones, that interact with the birds and add to their symbolism. She explains the stones in the end of the book.

The artist comes from The Netherlands, but the book is written by an author living in South Africa (that is Jane Toerien). So this deck is the child of both southern and northern hemisphere, which is something I really liked. As a person living in the southern hemisphere, many times I have missed decks and books that are in touch with our reality "down here". A deck that has a bit of both hemispheres feels really balanced to me.

Jane Toerien's writing is a wonderful complement to van Dobben's art. Her text is beautifully well-written and positive. In the beginning of the book, she explains how the Bird Cards were created and in which ways they can be used to help you. Then she gives you seven different spreads, each one for a different purpose. All spreads are very interesting and worth trying. And finally, she proceeds to the interpretation of the cards.

For each of the 55 birds, she begins by telling you who is the bird, what are its most important characteristics, how it can relate to your life and why it showed up for you today. You also receive an affirmation to help you to connect to the energy of this particular bird. It's very obvious that these cards were made to help you from the inside out. They give you a sincere message, and help you to notice what inner and outer influences are affecting you. But they are not very good for prediction, which can be a bit limiting for some readers.

The Bird Cards take their healing goal very seriously: all cards have an optimistic message to them, that help you to see how you can maintain what is good and improve or change what is bad. This is not a deck that simply tells you 'give up pal, you are doomed!' . No, it empowers you even when it's challenging you, or showing you your own negative patterns. The messages help you to feel like you can fly over any mountain, no matter the size. I always feel better after using the Bird Cards.

Overall this is a very nice deck for any reader, specially those who love birds or who enjoy working with animals. The art is beautiful, and the book is very comprehensive It's also a good deck for those who enjoy pulling some cards for advice - and trust me, the Bird Cards can give you spot-on advices!

However, it really isn't the ideal deck for predictive divination, so if that's what you are looking for, you better search elsewhere. Of course, you are encouraged to use the Bird Cards as a complement to any other oracle! Either alone or combined with another deck, the Bird Cards will guide you and challenge you at the same time, without ever losing their uplifting essence.

If you liked these pictures, you should definitely visit the deck's official website: Bird Cards

Bird Cards © Binkey Kok Publications & Joyce van Dobben

Oh No It's Monday! ~ Pellinor and the Lady

2011-06-13T17:32:00.007-03:00

I never really managed to have a routine when it comes to card reading. I tried daily readings - and this blog was a witness to that - only to find them rather useless for me. And I've been trying to come up with a different way to establish a card-reading routine, one that I can keep... without success.

I am a follower of Helen's blog, My Wings of Desire, and she has a very interesting way to do weekly readings. She created the "Thank Goodness It's Friday". Every Friday she pulls one card from the Oracle of the Radiant Sun and uses it as a way to meditate about the week that passed.

I decided to try something similar, but being the Saturness I am, I decided to give it a saturnine twist. My weekly reading is going to be called "Oh No It's Monday!". The idea is pull a card every Monday to get a message regarding the upcoming week - can be a prediction, but mostly I expect an advice, or something to think about... for this, I'll use the Oracle of the Dragonfae (although I may ocasionally use the Oracle of Shadows and Light).

The whole idea can be credited to brilliant Helen - go visit her blog now! - I'm just trying to adapt it to the atmosphere of Saturn. ;-) Lets see if I can do it!

~*~

Oh No It's Monday! - Pellinor and the Lady (Bittersweet Farewell)

This card is all about having to leave someone or something that you still love... simply because your paths are different. It also means being away from someone that you love, and trusting that you'll reunite again. It is a card of greetings and farewells, but mostly farewells.

These two beings will be brought together again: but whether it is in this lifetime or beyond, is not clear to either of them right now. They must believe in their love and focus on the tasks before them because they have a role to play in life that requires a distinctive part of them for now. So say farewell and remember: Merry meet, merry part and merry meet again.

And indeed - I have been dealing with the two problems at the same time. Feeling distant from a person I love, and at the same time, having to distance myself for someone I also love. This card is true to my situation in many levels.

But it also has an advice for me. Sometimes we are afraid of letting go of someone we like because we think we will lose a piece of ourselves when they are gone This card advises me to search for this missing piece inside myself, and not inside the other. We can have companions and partners in our lives, but we must be whole in ourselves.

This week I'll have to meditate about my ties with the people around me, and accept that this part of my journey is a lonely one. The souls that are meant to be together will reunite again someday.

Artwork:
'Kindred' © Selina Fenech

Astro Mythological Lenormand - PART IV: Reading for an absent querent...

2011-06-07T23:27:00.003-03:00

...without his permission!

Finally, the last part of the Astro Mythological techniques by Dicta & Françoise! This is the simplest technique of them all, but also the one that requires more responsibility, because you'll be prying (even if it's for highest good of all, it is still prying), so it's important to have a very objective approach to the reading. When reading for third parties without their consent there is always the risk of misinterpreting the cards and basing the reading on our own assumptions.

That's why the authors recommend that you write down what you wish to know. Keep your question objective and the answer will be more clear.

Once you have written down the question and shuffled, you can start the reading. Follow me!

~*~

FOURTH SITUATION: When you read for someone who is absent without their consent.

Forget all about "name number"- this case needs only the hour & date of the reading and the table below.

Numerical Values of the Days of the Week

Monday = 52 --- Moon = 44

Tuesday = 54 --- Mars = 39

Wednesday = 102 ---- Mercury = 114

Thursday = 31 --- Jupiter = 73

Friday = 68 --- Venus = 45

Saturday = 45 --- Saturn = 58

Sunday = 106 --- Sun = 93

One important note: the hour must be in the 24-hour format! That means that 7 am is 7h, and 7 pm is 19h!

Take the hour of the reading and the day of the week. Add the hour to the number of the day of week and the number of it's correspondent planet, as shown in the table above. If the final number is greater than 52, add the digits until you get a single number. If the number is less than 52, then that's is your final number, no need to add anything else.

(Why 52? Because that is the number of cards in the deck!)

This number shows in which card you answer is.

It's very simple, but an example always helps!

~*~

EXAMPLE:

Right now is 21h50min. Dicta & Françoise don't say anything about calculating minutes, so I assume you only consider the hour. That gives us the number 21.

Today is also Tuesday, and Tuesday's number according to the table is 54. The correspondent planet is Mars, number 39.

We add these three numbers:

Hour + Days of the Week + Planets

21 + 54 + 39 = 114

That number is greater than 52, so now we add the individual digits:

1 + 1 + 4 = 6

That is our final number. So we need to count off 6 cards from the top of the deck, because the 6th card has our answer.

~*~

C'est tout mes amis!

Now you are acquainted with the four methods taught by Dicta & Françoise in their book "Le Tarot de Mademoiselle Lenormand". They are not the only techniques, the book has plenty of spreads and tables... but these are the first methods they teach us.

I know they are complex methods, unnecessarily so sometimes, but I thought it was something different to share with all divination enthusiasts. I hope you all enjoyed it!

Thanks for reading!